Sensory Overload

I’ve been awake an hour now. The kittens were biting my fingers demanding their gravy and crunch nom breakie, so I had to get up with them. The kid was torturing, um, playing with Pantera, so I had two whole minutes to go pee before she started in with her complaints and whining. She cut herself. I try to put a band aid on her, except she can’t find the cut now but she is still sure she’s going to lose all her blood. Then it was breakfast but she was goofing off and the cat ran off with her pancakes. The wardrobe argument was next. Not even 8 a.m. and she was yelling, “When can I go outside and play?” I told her to brush her hair, she asks, “What prize do I get if I do it myself?”

Meanwhile, Alchemy is crying because he wasn’t ready to be weaned so unless he has someone holding him or next to him, he cries. Absinthe has a cold in her eyes so I have to keep treating her, but at least she’s taking to the solid cat food finally.

Spook just keeps making noise, non stop. Nothing sensical. Just noise. Repeating the same sounds, letters, mommy, mommy, mommy. Give me this. I want that. I’ve heard Mommy twenty six times in the last hour. It’s like being poked with a stick.

The car is on E. I may have enough gas to get her to school and me to my dr appointment tomorrow. The housework remains undone. My eardrums feel like they are about to burst from too much input. I want to scream and swear and I think it may be time to get out my voodoo stress doll and stab it with enormous sewing pins.

I read a blog post about the DSM 5 and it (the DSM) gives me fucking headaches. We are all doooomed. If you don’t fit some neat little box of symptoms, which by the way, changes every single year, then you’re not getting a diagnosis and basically they’re just shoving pills at you while gathering around the water cooler and laughing about how everyone thinks they’re bipolar or depressed and we’re all just delusional losers…

What can I say. Some days I handle the sensory overload better than others. This is not starting out well. The kid is bawling that brushing her own hair makes her legs hurt.  I don’t even know what that means…

THIS. This is why people drink. Get me a fucking pill that can slow my mind and dull my sensitivity to noise enough to handle this shit called life, and I will never take another drink in my life.

It sucks to not be able to feel anything good and yet the bad stuff is in my bloodstream, making my eardrums cringe, putting my fight or flight alarm on red alert.

Meh I had a good two day run of not being a lunachick. But it was only two days so I’m not bipolar one or two, or psychotic, or maybe all my symptoms are because I smoked a joint back in 1999 or ate mac and cheese with fatal orange food coloring in it…

So tired of jumping through hoops. There is something wrong with me, and I don’t give a damn what they want to label it. It’s not my personality. I think anyone whose kid yells at them for ten solid minutes and they ignore it and it still keeps going…Yeah, that’s gonna aggravate the steeliest nerves, let alone someone who’s fight or flight response is a raw nerve.

I know I should probably just draft this because I’m showing just how erratic and nutso I can get and I will probably not be in this place a couple of hours from now but I think it’s important to show the good, the bad, the REALITY. And for those of you who are behind in reading and apologizing for not being able to keep up…Don’t worry about it, I post a lot, I know. But I’d get systemic poisoning if I didn’t vent this shit regularly.

Now…Today’s anthem…

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5 Responses to “Sensory Overload”

  1. One thing in lucky I’ve got going for me is I just turned 45 (surprised im still here with my several attempts not to be) my daughter is 25, g-son now 7) relevant ’cause they live with me & don’t aggravate me.
    Things not going for me ~ smoked weed daily x 15ish yrs (no longer) & drank 6pk/day x 20 yrs (now VERY infrequently,,, the rest of my current life seems much like yours, MEH!

  2. BTW I am always up to date on the posts LOL

    • morgueticiaatoms Says:

      I am up to date as long as they come to my email. The ones that go to my reader I check maybe once a week cos I am just absent minded and lazy. I just see Tessa and Sass talking about how far behind they are and I don’t want them to feel bad because I DO post a lot, but I also have no intention of posting less. This is my therapy. Otherwise, I’d be out stabbing people with sporks though I’m not sure if that’d be before or after the special Kool Aid 😉

      On Thu, May 28, 2015 at 9:18 AM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  3. I spent like five hours reading about psychosis. The last time I was in college I scored “above average” in reading comprehension even though THIS isn’t my first language, but that means nothing as some days I just don’t understand anything. At all.

    I still don’t know what psychosis means. I don’t know why I’m taking something that is labeled antipsychotic when I’m supposedly not, even though intellectually I understood the text. I just don’t know.

    I will say this. You have a daughter. She sounds like she demands attention. This is a behavior that would test even the most “normal” human being. I know because I was Spook and my mother was like Mother Theresa and there were still days when she couldn’t handle me.

    You are not a bad mom. You’re a human being. You have limits and breaking points regardless of the things that are “wrong.”

    I know where you’re at. Feel your pain. And I can only wish you feel better soon. That’s all I can do. And read. And leave weird comments.

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