Pissy Bunny

The anxiety has me wound up tight enough to snap and take off several heads in the path. I didn’t anticipate much withdrawal from Latuda because it’s an atypical antipsychotic as opposed to SSRI but guess what…I have brain zaps and numb fingers and every sound is like nails on a chalkboard and I want to play ski ball with someone’s fucking skull…

Yeah, I am a pissy bunny.

My kid, while not channeling Satan, has not been silent for one second since she got home. And every fiber of me wanted to send her outside just so I could stop cringing but she’s grounded so we must both suffer. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I need quiet. Not silence, just calm and quiet. Not a laughing hyena-mockingbird-meth addicted cartoon character soundtrack.

In spite of aforementioned pissyness..I did a few things today I’ve been putting off. Hauled a toy kitchen outdoors for the kids to play with (destroy, same thing with these thuglings, mine leading the destructive charge.) I moved Spook’s tent into her room (after having someone put it together five months after Xmas) and ooops, it caved in and I’m not smart enough to figure it out. I’m not a putter together person. One more reason I love buying used stuff. Preassembled. I got out of my safe space and hooked up a laptop with a smashed screen to an external monitor and wham…Aside from having the fatal flaw of VD (Vista disease) the screen is the only thing wrong. Sixty bucks and I’ve got a decent shiny laptop. Okay, a second one, cos obviously I have this one I watch and write on but it runs on external sound so…The Toshiba will be the laptop that’s fully functional without a dozen peripherals.

The really fun part was trying to access it. Guy left it at the shop, said do what we wanted with it cos he wasn’t spending any money, and I jumped on its leg and humped the usb port. Then turns out…it has five accounts, all password protected. FUCK. I am so glad for freeware that gets by that shit. Now it’s been stripped of all ickiness (Apple products, browser bars, Yahoo anything, Norton) and it has been scanned for viruses and malware and is now…Deemed fit to serve my needs. Frankly, one (both) of  my desktops is probably about to keel over from my abuse so having a spare slave (which it kind of us with the external monitor to be lugged around, not so portable.) is wondermous.

UGHHHH. The brain zaps are maddening. Throw in a yappy kid on top of it and I can feel my brain wanting to escape, literally using some of gray matter as a zipper to get out and run away screaming from it all.

Day five and not so much as an “are you alive” from R. Or a reply to the text I sent him Thursday. Such a good friend. I don’t know how the man can view that behavior as okay when he expects me to be on call any time his wife or kids or other better class people aren’t there to amuse him. The break was needed for me, I’m really not feeling the whole social thing with the brain zap and numb fingers and BLINDING WHITE ANGER OF DOOM. So why do I even know it’s been 5 days? Oh, right. I’ve assimilated to my surroundings and become shallow. I haven’t had a pack of real smokes in 5 days.

On the plus side…I finally figured out that toilet seat lid thing today. I swear the Latarda was giving me air for brains. It was so simple but yesterday I may as well have been trying to perform open heart surgery.I don’t get it.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

One more “mommy” and I swear to the fucking sacred pegacorn I am gonna lock myself in the closet with my fingers n my ears. It’s not immature, it’s survival instinct. Especially when you’ve quietly and calmly explained at least a dozen times that you’re “not feeling well” so let’s use our soft indoor voices and not talk a bunch….Only to bulldozed by Uzi child…

Xanax. Size of a hubcap. NOW.

Now back to my shame. I avoided it up til now but I finally caved in to all the hype and watched “Empire.” Fuck. It’s actually decent. Stupid sheeple pleasing tv show pleases me so I must be a sheeplet.

Clown shoes.

Advertisements

14 Responses to “Pissy Bunny”

  1. Ugh i think I felt the way you’re describing last summer when I cold turkeyed seroquel ~ insomnia & all!!!, yikes! That shit sucks ass!! Feel better ASAP!!

  2. *Proudly struts around the prison courtyard with her hands in the air* I have not yet succumbed to “Empire” NOR “OITNB” I watched one season of “Game of Thrones” was not thoroughly impressed
    Hell yeah on small-BIG-accomplishments around the kingdom *Bows to your computer guruness*

    • I have gamed neither thrones or hunger. Merely reading the synopses made me yawn. Empire, on the other hand, was made palatable when I learned the lead actress was on Person Of Interest, always loved her on there. I’m not big on hip hop but the dysfunctional love/hate backstabbing family angle..I’m down with that.
      I’ve not tried OITNB but I’ve given Walking Dead a couple of attempts and wow…just…Meh.
      Entering into the summer/repeat season, with no new Following in store next season, is giving me the tv weepies.

      • *Eats one of your Closet Onion Rings* You lose that based on your lack of Hunger Gaming. Game of Thrones-I read the first book and it took me 6 weeks…it was horrible to try and follow…I think Martin is Bp w/psychotic features. JS. I’ve only watched a few episodes of Person of Interest. I watch Fox, and not many other stations. Mom says ‘Empire’ is badass. I might give it a try, but I don’t do well with cheating spouses/spouses that treat the other as if they are worthless. Trigger. OITNB is coming to Xfinity to buy-there is a cable God, apparently. Sis loves Walking Dead…I can’t do zombies-I won’t sleep. *sheesh this chick is a weirdo* We are excited for ‘So You Think You Can Dance’. It’s the only show I can get the kids to watch and we really discuss about the meaning of the dances. Yeah, we’re deep like that. I’m not thinking about the lack of “the Following’ next tv year. I am building up my mourning period over the loss.

      • To each their own. I despise rap music (aside from Eminem) so the notion of a show about hiphop/rap music really was unsavory. Just so much posing, ya know? But the fact he let his baby mama rot in prison 17 years while he got rich and raised the kids…Oh, that bitch is gonna make him pay and you know it….THAT is what I’m down for. Do you think closet onion rings have sexual identity issues?

        On Tue, May 12, 2015 at 8:36 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • I agree on rap and Eminem. ❤️ LURVE HIM❤️ Yeah…I’m not sure if I’m in a good enough place to see it yet. Hells yeah to that woman! Kick his ever greedy lovin self centered fuck head ass! *TAAAAAD bit too much?*

      • And yes, they do. When you get em stacked it’s boy, girl, boy, girl, with the girl coming out on top.

      • Oh-and I think I’m stuck with the clenched jaws as a permanent side effect from The latuda. Hip-hoo-fucking-ray I’m a little ball of sunshibe

      • I am multiple rays of black sunshine. Stabby, lethal rays of sunshine.

      • Are you pointy-stabby or dull knife stabby? I have a whetstone around here somewhere if you need to sharpen those Rays….*digs under bed*

      • If I have learned anything from extensive years of reading and watching true crime…The duller the knife, the more pain inflicted. So I guess my stabbiness is the dull unsharpened tarnished “you will get sepsis” kind. 🙂

        On Tue, May 12, 2015 at 9:31 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • Oooooo! Dull AND rusty. I like your style. Though I prefer sharp and to the point *har har*

  3. If you ever write anything polite, i’m getting you a head scan!
    Keep it up, warms my black stony rock of a heart to read this… Maybe I should get a head scan!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: