Spoons and Sporks Theory

This is the original post.

I’ve read it several times. It makes absolute sense with bipolar or any other chronic mental illness.

Now spoons are cool. I’d prefer a spork clock, though. Much better to use at stabbing things. (Ya know, like food, erm…)

So…I get 12 spoons for the entire day.

I woke every ninety minutes and start the day off exhausted. Minus one spoon.
I get up and pee, then wake my kid and poke her to get dressed. Minus one spoon.
I feed her and the cats inside then the cats outside and if I am lucky, I will put on clothes I didn’t sleep in yet are likely covered in lint and cat hair. I am down another spoon. Three spoons and I’ve been awake an hour.

So I get my kid to school and battle the anxiety of traffic, jackasses talking on their phones instead of driving, and a panic attack or two.
Lose a spork.
I go home, look at all the housework I should do, then realize I am still exhausted from yet another night of interrupted sleep so I choose to sit down and watch something or read. But the whole time in the back of my mind, I am berating myself for being such a wuss.
Bye bye spork nymber 5.
Depending on if I am expected to socialize, assist, run errands, whatever my jailer, er R, needs…I lose two sporks because the social thing is living hell for me. And also, when your mind is sending out the wrong messages, the people around you react like you’re insane so there’s another spork down.
If I stay home the whole day, I am bombarded with noise from outside. It sets off the anxiety and panxiety…Loss of another spork.

2p.m. and I have 3 sporks left.

So say one is lost when I have to pick up my kid in the petri dish, bring her home, deal with her tantrums, her half dozen screeching friends in the yard, the constant demands and defiance…
two sporks left.

I feed my kid, get her bathed, homework done, play a bit, read to her, deal with her acting out some more…
One spork left for the day.

So by the time she goes to bed at 8 or so…I have one spork.
Do I use it to shower? To clean house? To read,write, do the things I *used* to enjoy?
Or do I just wave the white flag, fall into bed, and admit, I am out of sporks and that’s all there is to it.

Some days you may start out with 24 spoon/sporks.
Other days may be so bad, you start out with six.

The whole point is, like a bank account, you cannot write checks for money that isn’t there. And I can’t borrow spoons once all my are gone.

I may even use this with the shrink today. I am so nervous I can’t seem to focus on anything but dreading the appointment. And I don’t even know why. Maybe because my biggest fear is being dismissed.
I need help.
For fuck’s sake, help me.
I’m out of bloody sporks and feeling stabby, not to mention hungry. I can’t eat pudding with my hands, man.

Anyway..I didn’t put it as eloquently as the original poster but you get the gist. Overdrawn is overdrawn, bank account, or mind.

I don’t expect you to write me a check for a thousand dollars if you only have seven hundred.
So don’t expect me to function as if I have endless spoons when in fact, I am overdrawn before the day is even through.

4 Responses to “Spoons and Sporks Theory”

  1. Stab the therapist if they don’t help you effectively with this. Also, I’ll post you a couple of my sporks (no kids from this uterus). You’re witty and all … but you’re taking strain and I’d take some for you if I could.

  2. Actually, i think honesty is better than elloquence. (Shit I can’t type ANYTHING correctly today apparently) I have extra grapefruit spoons in my umbrella. MY meltdown earlier took away 2, and i used 2 this morning with the kids and then therapy. 8 is the magic number right now. (I ate pudding with my finger the other day, and I had entirely WAAAAY too much fun doing it) “Lend me your ear and I’ll whisper your doubts away” A wonderful poem by an Instagramer I follow

  3. Yeah, um Imma have to use this on a 24-hour military clock. Hope it’s not held against me.

  4. […] up? No. There are just days when putting on clean clothes and running a brush through the hair takes up all your spoons/sporks. The ability to hold a job with any stability is something I admire and wish I could pull off but […]

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