All Aboard The Hamster Wheel

The depressive bouts involved in bipolar 2 are a lot like daily trips to nowhere on a hamster wheel. You eat a bit, drink a bit, wander a bit. Then you get back on that wheel and make it spin and you think if it you try hard enough, the faster it spins, the further you will get…
Only you get nowhere. And you’re exercising but it’s not losing you any weight or making you any healthier.
It’s an exercise in futility.

Life outside the depressions is like a hamster habitat with all the colorful tubes to climb and explore.It’s a playground of things to do, see, experience.

But depression is just the creaky old metal wheel going round and round day after day and the futility takes a toll.

I am there today.
I am drowning in so much phlegm, my side aches from coughing, and my ability to deal with people is about less than zero.
See, last night, I got another glimpse into how the adult brats called my friends don’t play fair on the playground. And I realized, without any mental health lack of rationality, that I am essentially their puppets. They dictate even when I am supposed to put my kid to bed so they can call me and talk to me without her interrupting. I mean, who has such audacity as to expect me to put my kid to bed at 7:30 to accommodate their needs?
Then wonder why I am so resentful and agitated.
I get that you have to allow people their quirks and all but shit. Must I always be cast as their bitch?
I just either need no friends or I need friends I can pay to behave like civilized human beings. Unfortunately, the only currency I have is sarcasm. It’s way underappreciated.

I am frustrated and prattling.
I think with just cause. Some people are just really self absorbed and should be smacked with a fish. A rotting stinking maggot festering fish.

On the plus side…I did shower yesterday. That was my accomplishment for the whole day, I showered.
I want my participation trophy now.
And for the love of fuck, would someone put some WD-40 on this creaking fucking hamster wheel?


One Response to “All Aboard The Hamster Wheel”

  1. *waves can of WD-40 and hands you a big ‘you did it’ trophy* Will these help?

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