The Hardware and Software of Mental Illness


So I slept shitty again. Kid laying right next to me in bed and still I kept poking her with a metaphoric stick since she wasn’t snorkeling.Then the phone rang at 10:22 p.m. and I looked at the display only because of my mom having had surgery and worrying about that. Instead it was that drunken dickbag whose feelings were so hurt by being called an asshole. Boo hoo. I ignored it. More drunken ramblings I do not need.
So it was snooze and wake, rinse lather repeat.
At 5 a.m. my brain decided it was awake. Never mind my body is aching, the bed is killing my spinal column, and I was freezing and yearning for that extra ninety minutes of nothingness.
NOOO,scumbag brain came out of the gate running. Flurry of thoughts, resentments, anger, exhaustion.

But it got me to thinking…
Human brains are like computers.
Mine is a Compaq circa 2001, running on Windows ME (moody edition.) It’s slow, glitchy, unstable, and cannot keep up with current programs because the hardware simply won’t drive it hard enough.
See, I had that computer, the compaq with ME. It was the moofmobile. Absolute shit. I used it until its pea brain exploded.
I was sooo glad to meet Windows XP.
Unfortunately, minds cannot be purchased new nor upgraded software or hardware wise.

Way I see it, the mood swings are glitches. Missing or corrupt drivers, prevents it all from running smooth. All the psychological baggage is your Malware. Paranoia is your spyware. And anxiety equates as viruses mucking the works up.

No amount of scanning, removing, immunizing, or reformatting can fix faulty brain hardware.

Last year my beloved computer of many many year, Frankenstein, started giving me the blue screen of death and an error message. I of course indulged my Googleitis and the error code essentially meant my hard drive was a goner.
Still, I used it until it either died or committed suicide.
Now I have another one, bought used, and it too has a failing hard drive. Blue screen, shut downs, reboots. It can be fine for days on end but inevitably the death knoll is ringing.
For it, I can easily venture to Amazon, replace the drive.

But what do I do with my failing brain?
I’m pushing it as far as it can go, and much like a hard drive, eventually it just won’t boot up anymore. I WILL get that blue screen of death and every error code known to man.

404 in my case means “stability not found”.

If only I could just upgrade my brain.


One Response to “The Hardware and Software of Mental Illness”

  1. Victoria A Says:

    if you ever find out how please let me know where I can sign up for such a reboot.

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