People Still Equal Shit

I got a call from the shrink office today. They just got my letter. I mailed it last week and it’s local. WTF, post office? A snail could have gotten it there faster, your morons. Anyway, it was the pdoc’s nurse and I told her what’s going on and she said she’d talk to Dr Chihuahua tomorrow about maybe tweaking my meds. THEN she floored me announcing they finally have a actual doctor on the premises one day a week and I can get in at the first of April.
For a moment, I felt a glimmer of hope. Like maybe the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
On the flip side, R beckoned me to the shop over this laptop he wants to set up as the shop computer, complaining he couldn’t get the wifi to work. It took me all of five minutes to determine that model did not come standard with wifi. HELLO? fuckinggoogle motherfuck. And since he interrupted my day, I asked him to buy me a three dollar thingie and he blew me off saying he’s busy.
Thus began the descent into misanthropy I am told is so wrong and yet feels right at every fucking turn.

I did okay, though. Did housework, let my kid play outside, watched more Californication. My mood was low but I was fighting it. I just wanted to sleep, she went down early.
But then she kept waking up screaming because the jackass neighbors (ya know, the ones with four mean ass cat killing dogs) were blaring their music. NO, not music, that stupid thud thud thud bass shit that is audio ipecac. And it’s right next to her window so it kept waking her up.
I figured I’d go be civilized by confronting them head on. Oh, no, one of the dogs was tied out and tried to rip me apart when I got two feet from the door.
So…little old miss hates confrontation suffers in silence…
actually called the fucking cops for once.
Of course, now I am worried they’re gonna like slash my tires or something because all the trailers on the other side of them are vacant which makes it pretty obvious I was the complainant.
Meh.

THEN R set me some innocuous text and I sent back something that was meant to be a joke (text messaging is ass trash, I fucking hate it.) Next thing I know he fires back something about how I’m always pissed off and even his evil ex wife/kid beating mother could manage a good day or two.
OH I wanted to rip his fucking throat out.
I was joking, for one.
For another, I confided in him two weeks ago just how hard I am struggling right now with the mental shit…So taking a dig at me not being happy enough to suit him…
I want that man to suffer.
I wish mental illness was contagious. If anyone deserves it, it’s he without empathy.

So that got my dander up. I tossed and turned. Broke out in hives. Gnashed teeth. Tried all the relaxation tricks. Pondered calling the local crisis center because between having a so called friends basically bitch slap me verbally by text and the paranoia of the noise and neighbors next door…There was a moment I really felt like I was coming unglued, as in tears and hiding in the closet.

Instead…I decided to get up, cook a breakfast pizza, and indulge my hatred of humanity. I love mankind, I just fucking despise people.
It’s possible, trust me.

Now of course by the time I wind down, I will have a bitch of a time getting up in the morning.

Life is beautiful, according to Sixx A.M.
LIES.

Life with mental illness and asshole family and friends is fucking ugly.

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One Response to “People Still Equal Shit”

  1. Mental illness with zero family is shit too. Mental illness is shit. Pissy exes are shit. There is a lot of shit.

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