I really wanna live Under The Dome

I know I have been complaining incessantly for weeks but today cinched it for me…Going outside my protective bubble, interacting with people, is TOXIC. Nothing but disappointment and drama.
I got a call from my dad today telling me their normal dog sitter is on a war path over being replaced by me and is telling people I am an unfit mother because my kid was outside without a coat yesterday. Hmm. It was 53 degrees, we both had on long sleeves, and we were outside for three minutes while the dog piddled.
So because she stole from them and slept for hours rather than walking the dog so they enlisted me…She’s going to try to start some drama over my parenting.
People. Fucking. Suck.
You can call me psycho.
You can say I am a bitch.
I am an awful housekeeper.
But do not EVER question my devotion to the safety and well being of my kid. That’s fucking war and I will draw blood and I will fight to the death.

THIS shit is what I get for leaving the house. Petty, vindictive moronic people upsetting the delicate balance of my life.
I fucking hate it.

Any time I let someone in, or try to put myself out there, I live to regret it every fucking time.
And frankly, being dragged into it makes me furious. They didn’t have the balls to call her on her thievery and not doing what she was there to do and I’m the one being maligned by a woman who has the IQ (literally) of pocket lint.
Bloody fucking fabulous.
Yeah,I am pissed off.

I started watching Stephen King’s Under The Dome. And while I do love my freedom and modern conveniences…Being cut off from the world at large doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. A protective bubble…suits me fine. Okay, there’s the issue of running out of food and such but still…
People make me crazy.
Or crazier.

Which got me thinking after watching another show where this reporter basically took a guy who’d had one prescription 14 years ago for depression and created the whole “serious mental illness, dangerous individual thing.”
Personally (and studies have proven it) mentally ill people tend to be violent less often than those who have no mental illness or choose to do drugs or drink.
So when shit like that comes up…My dander comes up with it.
I am not entirely stable in the head. However, it doesn’t make me insane, dangerous, or somehow lesser than anyone else. It just means I struggle harder with basic things that come easily to others.
To be told otherwise is insulting.
That being said…I do consider my conditions a disability. But it doesn’t make me any more dangerous than someone who walks with a cane. That could be construed as someone perpetually armed with a deadly weapon.
People.
Grrr.

But aside from the intrusion of the outside world…It was a productive day, my kid didn’t channel satan too many times, and my mood held up until about an hour ago. Guess that’s when the Prozac half life wears off.
I need to call the doc, my next appt isn’t until April.
But considering my last call when there was a problem with my meds and they didn’t even bother getting back to me…
I don’t have a lot of hope they will do me any good. Not to mention the doctor only sees people on the TV screen on Wednesdays, which is also the only day his nurse is in the office.
This telepsychiatry thing makes me feel hobbled.
I’ve even considered a trip to the emergency room just to see if it’d get an actual psych doc in the same room with me.
One that LISTENS.
I don’t want an enabler.
I want someone to HELP ME.

And make my kid stop with the seven hour tantrum she’s been having because the school is serving something yucky for lunch tomorrow and she wants to stay home so they don’t force her to eat.
Geesh, she knows how to beat a whole team of dead horses.
I predict she will develop some mysterious illness by morning just to avoid rotini and meat sauce.
I think I’d save it for taquito or burrito day.
Or just puke on the teacher’s shoes if she forced me to eat the gruel.
I am soo mother of the year.

Meh. Rebellious nature doesn’t equal unfit.
Just unconventional.
Kind of the way I was raised.
I turned out…well, only a little more fucked up than anyone else.

I still maintain…People are toxic to me.
I have tried to learn to adapt, to compromise, to put myself out there and let down my guard.
And it just keeps biting me on the ass.
So how is wanting to just enclose myself under a safe dome wrong?
Not like I am denying my kid.
I just want to protect myself.
I don’t make her be me.
In fact, I encourage her not to be like me.

It’s too late for me. I apparently have DAMAGED,PLEASE FUCK ME OVER tattooed on my forehead.
But ya know..every time one more asshole proves me right…
I may gain another scar but I also gain another coating of Teflon that makes me stronger than they are.

So keep it coming, life.
I’m gonna be kevlar by the time your done with me and then…I will be bulletproof.

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3 Responses to “I really wanna live Under The Dome”

  1. cavellemartin Says:

    I’m sorry to hear things have been a bit of a cluster “F@#k” lately. Where does the former dog walker get off having ANY say about you or your ability to parent?…Wow…I can relate to the whole “people suck” thing. Sometimes I feel my life would be a lot easier if I was a hermit adopted by wolves or something.

    It’s a big enough battle trying to keep up with everyone when everyday life doesn’t come naturally. Sometimes I feel like wearing a sign that says “Look, I’m Bipolar, I’m not in the mood to educate you. Approach me at your own risk” but that’s the thing. Being Bipolar doesn’t mean you’re some ticking time bomb it just means your brain isn’t the same as everyone else. It’s an illness and should be treated as such yet many people still see it as something you can snap your fingers and just “get over it”

    Lol wow not it appears I am on a rant of my own but I really do appreciate your frustration and “pissed offness” If people only saw half the things we’re holding back for their sake” they would be in a ride awakening.

    Hang in there! I hope writing has helped you during these times. I know it helps me. Take care! šŸ™‚

    • I’ve pondered getting the “Medicated for YOUR protection” t-shirt just to let ’em know how lucky they are I do hold back. šŸ˜‰

      On Mon, Mar 9, 2015 at 3:15 PM, Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

      >

  2. cavellemartin Says:

    Lol Amen! I say we make t-shirts right away šŸ˜‰

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