Mindless Mental Health Rant Number Six Million

I did sleep hard last night. For about four hours.
Then I was awake for four more. Watching the clock. Knowing if I didn’t get to sleep soon I might miss the alarm for Spook’s Sunday school. The harder I tried to sleep the more I tossed and turned.
You want madness, try that as a way of life for a couple of years. The only sleeping pills that work make me useless for 18 hours. It’s frustrating.
And I am burning the candle at both ends physically and mentally so it makes no sense why I’d even need a sleep aid, let alone not sleep solidly. I’d like to say oh, it’s the looming disability review. It’s my kid waking up. But as of late, I’ve just been letting her sleep in my bed at will in hopes I might sleep through.
I’m funny, thinking logic applies to myself in any way, shape, or form.
Maybe it’s this cold we’ve both got, I dunno. I know my first go to rather than buy a cold med (it gets old having to read labels to avoid ingredients that may interact with my psych meds) was to drink a bunch of orange juice.
My kid, on the other hand, gets medicated because otherwise, the school will bar her for days and I’ll be up on truancy charges because of their own idiotic rules.

I was talking to a kid the other day. And he said they have him on Xanax and meds for bipolar. And I asked if he was actually bipolar. He said they weren’t really sure and I gave the litany of bipolar symptoms…Other than drinking too much and being hooked on painkillers, there’s nothing bipolar or anxiety ridden about him.
This is what makes life difficult for those of us who really have the disorders.
Doctors have just become moronic pill pushers rather than taking the time to determine what is actually wrong with patients. No clue? Must be mental.
If someone has mental issues, short of wearing a tin foil hat while walking naked down the interstate, well, it’s just neurotic personality, no biggie, five minute drive thru med checks.

I am so disgusted with life. With people. With my disorders.
Thing is, when I keep to myself and immerse myself in what works for me as opposed to what may work for the masses…
I am content and I have hope.
Yet I do the one size fits all thing and it makes it all worse.
Maybe it’s time to just get back to me. Blow up the box in my own way.

And, yes I know I a flood posting these days. My brain is very busy.
This digital purge is all I’ve got.


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