Something New

The hamsters in my brain are running that squeaky wheel ragged today. Fortunately, this will be a short post.

So I decided to shake things up, try something new and different. Nothing drastic but the prozac says “take one daily.”
As I have learned, miserably, taking it at bedtime or when I wake, results in a mega crash.
So in my hard earned experience and wisdom, I thought…I will take at noon so surely when it wears off, I will be asleep, then I can take the next dose mid day.
Epic fail, actually.
Now I have been at this psych med thing long enough to know, it takes several weeks of patterns of taking the meds to actually make an indent.
Fine, so be it.
But it kept me from crashing until six thirty which is what, 90 mins later than the norm?
Anyone who’d call this normal is insane, more so than I am.

My brain just keeps spinning because my stability is at stake with this current review and all I hear is about people getting cut off even with legal representation…It’s terrifying. Unnerving. Crippling. I am not in denial of reality, life is brutal, sometimes truth means nothing.
Yet I live my truth every single day and the notion that someone will dispute what I know to be fact…
leaves me shivering and cowering in terror.

I want to be better, do better.
But I can’t seem to swing it with a revolving door of tv screen doctors.
Is that my fault?
I must sound insane.
I don’t think I am crazy, especially after watching multiple youtube videos on the history of mental illness and mental health care. What some of these people were put through was barbaric and sadistic. I don’t have a right to complain.
I complain only because I live the truth.
If the world were willing to put up with random abrupt mood swings, crippling depressions, and manic episodes…
I’d have no problems because stability wouldn’t be the issue.

But that isn’t how life works. If you’re not stable, there are easily thirty people applying for the same job that are.

Whats; that saying about grant me liberty…

Grant me stability or death. The world has made it clear there is no in between on this matter.


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