Family Freakout

So my kid had a big panic attack because she is convinced she snorted one of her nail stickers up her nose and is going to have a heart attack.
Which in turn ignites my panic issues.
And as we are doing the socializing thing at R’s tonight with him and the wife and granddaughter, I am already on edge. Social anxiety is a bitch and I wish it would die in a fire. There should be no fear doing something you’ve done dozens of times before.
Yet, with me…There always is if it involves, well, people.
All these meds that supposedly help with social anxiety, I might as well be popping tic tacs for all the good they do me.

It’s been a frustrating week. The external sound card on my laptop splintered apart again so I have no sound on it. The desktop signal isn’t strong enough to stream. I spent yesterday shivering and praying for death because I felt like I had the flu. My kid woke me six different times last night, and I didn’t go to bed until nearly one a.m. as it was because well, I was trying to have a social life in my bubble. Yeah, that’s not working out well with a kid who wakes up every hour or two and you need privacy.
I got home today only to get hit with my kid wanting her V’tine’s gifts from Grandma opened THIS minute, then the Avon lady showed up…
GRRRRRRR.

I know to hear me, you’d swear nothing good ever happens to me because I seem like such a bad luck magnet, I must be dramatizing. Oh, if only.
My life revolves around shit breaking and crappy things happening.
Occasionally, something nice happens.
Too often to be followed by something shitty. It affects morale.

Still…I keep going. Though there are times when life seems so hard, I wish my batteries would just die. Terrible thing to say, huh? I think more people feel that way on occasion than they’re willing to admit to.
What matters is the batteries don’t die and I keep going. I get so much stress and crap handed to me daily and I see how just a smattering of bad luck affects those around me…And I’m the one who’s got mental issues. So if I can keep fighting futility my mind tells me life is…
Guess I should get a pat on the back. Kick in the shin works.

And a whole lot of wine. Always tastes so much better when it’s someone else’s treat.
Just saying.

Off to quell my nerves. Not easy when the child is in the other room emitting high pitched barking sounds. But at least she’s gotten over her panic for now. Until the next catastrophe in 5 year old land. Like Olivia at kindergarten who won’t let her be in the “awesome pink club” thus her life is ruined.
It’s a bumpy ride but I get enough giggles to keep me interested in what happens next.

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