Dumbassed

Okay, so there are two sides to every story. This story has dumbassery on my side, as well as the flip side.

Last month the shrink increased my Prozac from 10mg twice a day, to 20 mg twice a day.

I called in for refills this morning and they tell me insurance won’t fill it til the 21rst. But I have two pills left, this is wrong. Except it wasn’t wrong. The shrink failed to tell me that he was changing WHEN I took my meds. So for the last two weeks, I’ve been taking my two pills a day like I did every day for the last two years since I have the mid day mood crash.
Oh, genius doctor doesn’t tell me or specify to the pharmacy that it should be two doses of 20mg every day. So they gave me 40mg pills (and in my dumbassery I didn’t notice because the pharmacy is always switching manufacturers and giving me different colored pills that are the same med). OOOPSIE.

I called the dr office. Of course, there is no doctor on premises, ever, so they have to contact his nurse at the hospital 80 miles away and she generally doesn’t respond until Wednesday when she is in our local office. I explained to the receptionist what had happened and she said, “No wonder you’re feeling so good.”
These people are morons, considering I’ve been taking double the dose and am still barely keeping my head above water.
I told her my primary concern was not being on them until the 21rst when the script renews. Quitting meds is bad, quitting SSRIs cold turkey is treacherous.

I haven’t heard anything from them yet.
I feel like a dumbass, I should pay more attention. I am just so used to the status quo and he NEVER said, “You’ll be taking 40mg once a day instead of two pills a day.”
Damn it.
I suppose the high dose of anti dep could be why my panxiety has skyrocketed, though the shrinks claim these meds help anxiety. (Never did fuck all for mine.)

I am frustrated and disgusted, with myself, with the doctor’s office, with the pharmacy. You change the program, don’t tell me, I fail to realize there’s been a change, and I end up looking like I am popping Prozac to get high. Awesome.
Only anti depressant I’ve ever had that even remotely made me feel any kind of buzz was Cymbalta and I didn’t abuse it. I may have doubled a dose due to bad memory but I never used it inappropriately.
So why would I misuse one that by itself in a dose does fuck all? That receptionist pissed me off. I never said, “I’ve been feeling good.” So her comment about, “No wonder you’ve been feeling so good” was inappropriate.
Not to mention I now feel like some degenerate braindead moron who can’t even accidentally “overdose” and feel better than “meh, I’m surviving.”

Ass trashery.
Dumb assery.

I focus so much on everything but myself, this stuff gets lost in the shuffle. I think this blog is honestly the only thing I do that is really about me. Every other minute of my day is spent caring for kid, cats, the shop, the house…And I get the short end of the stick because I can’t even be bothered to doublecheck something for my own wellfare, I just act on the assumption there’s been no deviation because I was not informed of one.

Bloody hell.
It’s my own idiocy and yet, I still feel like the doctor’s instructions should have been clearer. Not to mention my pharmacy’s policy on doling out less pills in a higher dose if it’s not specified otherwise. Hard to divide a fucking capsule, people. The double doses are necessary when it’s in capsule form.

I’ve been dyeing my hair for 30 years and I still read the instructions just in case the timing is different on some brands. Yet my meds…I just blindly assumed they were same as always, just higher dose.
I feel stupid.
I also realize I need to find a better balance. I have responsibilities but I am not going to be able to do anything for anyone if I don’t start paying a little more mind to my own necessities.

Still salty about the receptionist comment.
How can you work in a psych office (she’s been there almost ten years) and be stupid enough to think an increased dose will make someone super happy? Manic, maybe. But “feeling good” when day after day the best I can describe how I am feeling is…okay-ish..
Insulting.

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One Response to “Dumbassed”

  1. The Professionally Depressed Professional Says:

    She doesn’t get it. As annoying and frustrating that can be, a person can work as a receptionist/medical office assistant and not require any type of educational background. I went through something very similar two weeks ago. My doc’s receptionist has made many errors with regards to referrals to psychiatrists and pediatricians for my son and I (my son has GAD). We’ve been waiting since NOVEMBER for an appointment. I stopped in to the office and found out that she hadn’t even sent the information along. I almost jumped the counter and strangled her! She has no idea how detrimental these appointments are for my recovery and my son’s success at school. Sorry you had such a rough go . . . hang in there.

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