Panxiety

No, that is not a typo. I have decided there are terms to describe mental health issues the DSM has left out.
Panxiety: noun
pronunciating: pang-zi-ety
definition: when anxiety and paranoia combine to bring on crippling panic attacks that hinder normal life.

So this is the part where I confess to a bizarre little thing I do which will no doubt make me look like a lunachick and it’s not so much that I have any faith in the whole subject…From time to time I get bored and “play”.
Horrorscopes.
Okay, horoscopes. I read mine today and it said, “Technology is not your friend today. There may be issues involving your money and computers that could complicate matters.”

Yeah, considering everything is done digitally anymore…It’s not a far fetched thing to fear. And I have had issues of this nature before where a computer glitch prevented me getting money or threw off my math so I had less money than I’d thought.
We are at the mercy of computers and they all have glitches from time to time. Not without validity to fear such a snafu.

It made me uneasy but I went on about my morning.
Then I got my bank balance alert. And I knew I’d spent about twenty bucks yesterday, yet it is saying my balance is the same as it was the day prior.
Um…No.
PANIC PANIC RED ALERT ALARM BELLS WHAT THE FUCK.
So I took a pause and reminded a lot of places have you sign the slip because they ring debit up as credit thus it doesn’t automatically deduct from your balance until they turn in all their receipts for the day.
Okay, makes sense.
I tried to let it go.
I really did.
But it was making me nuts.
So I made a quick jaunt into the dish to a smaller store down the street. I needed eggs anyway, figured…This way I can find out if I can at least still access my money.
Tick tock….
And it went through fine.

Sighhhhhhhhhh.

Panxiety. It is a thing.
Kind of like tripolar is a thing. If you think about cyclothymia, we orbit around stable, manic, and depressed. Three poles, basically. Tripolar.
There needs to be a proper term for the deer in the headlights thing, too, where you get so scared you become psychologically paralyzed. I am coming up empty on a witty term for it right now.

I feel like a moron.
All this because of a horoscope, which are notoriously wrong and for entertainment purposes only. But when you have anxiety and are faced with the paranoia of something entirely feasible happening…
It turns into a monster eating its own tail.
Anxiety and paranoia are monsters.

Psychological novacaine, ffs. Let me remain functional but for the love of fuck, quiet this metastasizing anxiety that has taken over my entire mind.
Of course, the doctors will just want to do the oversedation thing because we all know how effective it is for aiding in anxiety. You can’t be anxious when battling to stay conscious and upright.
I find it hard to fathom they can use three d printers to create guns and human organs but can’t find some sort of anti anxiety drug that quiets the mind without turning you into a drooling lethargic lump.
The xanax is great for warding off the panic attacks, for the most part.
And when the old school docs had me on the high dose, it was great for the generalized anxiety.
The current regime and its low dose insistence…is why I am where I am right now.
I don’t really want a new drug.
I want the same drug at a higher dose that actually fixes my problem.
But the current shrink would rather add another anti anxiety drug as needed than tweak a dose on a drug that does work somewhat.
Because 8 pills a day isn’t enough, let’s toss in some more.
I just want to not feel like my brain is a runaway roller coaster veering off the tracks.

Fortunately…In about six weeks when the season changes, I will probably go manic and have a whole new problem set to deal with.

Tri
fucking
polar
panxiety.

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One Response to “Panxiety”

  1. Makes perfect sense to me..society’s stigma still leaves little room to accept these things. Hang in there you can get through it 🙂

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