Sometimes it’s a bitch

Like that Stevie Nicks song.
Sometimes, life is a bitch. It just is.
This week I have been hit with wretched allergy attacks (as had as my kid.) Then I get slammed with the most excrutiating shark week pains I can remember having in months. I am talking cramps, bloating, back pain akin to being in labor…
I have been impatient, irritable, downright hostile. I don’t want to be touched by kid cats or even air. I don’t want to talk or smile. I want to assume the fetal position and nurse my sneezing and coughing and my aching body that feels bruised from head to toe.
I power through the flu, colds, hell I was doing high kicks twenty minutes after giving birth.
This shark week stuff…takes me down hard.
And trying to explain it to people is futile. They just think you’re being a dramatic wuss and milking the female pms experience.
I felt so lousy yesterday I couldn’t even chainsmoke. I ended up with half a pack of smokes left this morning. That is soooo not me.
Not to mention I lured my kid to bed at 7 pm just so I could sleep. I was good for nothing, not watching shows, not chatting, nothing. Just this pain encompassed husk of agitation.

Throw in drowning in sinus drainage and the inability to breathe without coughing to the point of snapping a rib…
Yesterday was shit.

The phone rang several times last night. I quashed the ringer and went right back to sleep. I thought it would be better today.

I was sooo wrong. So very wrong. It’s not even 7 am and I have already filled myself with Tylenol and allergy pills.
And I gotta give my kid flonase and claritin before i take her to school cos she is wheezing.

Sometimes’ it’s bitch.

To make it worse, R wants me to come to the shop (or he did yesterday, after I went in and the shop computer died so nothing got done).
Oh, and his wife sent me a text wanting to do the margeritas at the restaurant thing again tonight.
I can’t keep up with these people. I need serious vegetation time.
I’ve already lined a playdate/sleepover up for my kid Sunday night with Grandma so I can have a little break. And feel like a bad mommy for needing one.

Now I’m in pain and I am pissy and even my horrorscope says I should withdraw today because I am in a state where I’m like to say or do something catastrophic to my relationships. (No, I don’t buy into that astrology stuff,but it confirms what I am feeling in my gut.)
Avoid, retreat, regroup.

Mrs R will understand I am sure. (And she probably only asked cos her other friend is busy again this week.)
R, on the other hand, has all the empathy and compassion of Hitler.

I just…I am in so much pain I am half tempted to go the hospital outpatient and ask for prescription strength pain killer. That ibuprofen derivative they gave me after I had my kid was wonderful. No loopiness, just hardcore pain relief. I need that. I need an IV drip of that.
And if they have something for this “Do not look at me or I will stab your eyes out with a spork” irritated thing…
I’ll take a keg of that.

I have enough issues being stable without getting blindsided every month with this shit. Usually if I can survive the precursor and first day I am ok.
Today is just not looking good.
Hell, even my knees hurt and they haven’t hurt in a long time. It’s like my pain receptors have gone haywire.
It makes me feel weak and wussified and I do not like it.

I also don’t like the guilt that comes with admitting, I don’t feel well enough to be what these people/er friends, around me need me to be. Which is them. Work work work and go out and do it all over weekly.
The brakes need to be applied.

I am so pathetic I can’t even handle going out once a week for “fun”.

But hey, sometimes its a bitch and so am I.


2 Responses to “Sometimes it’s a bitch”

  1. What a shite week, hope things improve soon.

  2. Another great post from you! I often think about how much of a loser I am these days, not doing anything socially, etc. I had friends once upon a time but they slowly went away. I don’t think I even miss them though. Sadly I am more agitated and angry with anyone and everyone, including my poor bf. Anymore, almost always, I feel completely irritated with anyone that I come in contact with. I used to be able to somewhat fake having a good time or acting like I want to be around or talk to whomever. I feel somehow I’ve lost that skill, I now can’t help but show my disdain for someone or something. I feel bad about it. I don’t know why I can’t enjoy myself or the people around me but everything anymore just pushes me over the edge.

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