Blowing Up The Box

Thinking outside the box. Coloring outside the lines. Blurring the edges. Describes my life to a tee.

It’s lead me to this point, where I am blowing up the box and trying to view things a different way. My moods are what they are, my anxiety is what it is. The people around me…are what they are.I can’t change a thing.
What I can do, though, is view things in a different way.
That entails defying my own mind and opting to not act on my volatile impulses and emotions.
It’s tough, wow, it’s hard. Going up against your own mind is a daunting thing. And sometimes, it just doesn’t work.
The last two days…it’s been working for me.

I am…blowing up the box.
It’s not that I feel different.
It’s just that I am choosing to look at things differently.
It may last an hour, a day, a week…I don’t know.

I feel hopeful, in spite of a plethora of stressful issues.

The up and down is the hardest part. Two days ago I was at war with my own vitriolic mind. The fact that I weathered that particular storm without exploding and creating a shitstorm as done in the past…
I CAN do this. Maybe not long term, but I know if I try really hard…I can regulate my emotions, to an extent.

Blowing up the box, ie; opting to view things differently…It’s a good thing.

I wish I could hold onto it for good.
Likely, it will be as fleeting as all else in my life.
For the moment…
The box is blown up and…I am liking it.

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3 Responses to “Blowing Up The Box”

  1. imptiness Says:

    Who needs a box anyway right?

  2. I don’t believe we can control our emotions. We can control how we respond and act to them but we can’t control how we feel. I can’t control feeling like a failure, I can’t control my self harm urges, but I can control wether I act on these. I’m impressed that you are trying to challenge your own emotions and wish you all the luck with it. If this isn’t what this post is about forgive me but I’m drunk and high on valiyum.

  3. I had a counselor who told me I was failing to “regulate my emotions”. I thought it was the dumbest thing ever. You feel what you feel and trying to talk yourself out of it is asinine. Regulating is a fallacy.
    Choosing how to react to those emotions…I can live with it.
    Now pass the valium, please.

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