Life Causes Hangovers

Booze can give you physical hangovers. Fortunately, there are ways to combat that kind of hangover.

Life, on the other hand, gives hangovers that you can’t spring back from with strong coffee or a pain killer.

And I have the life hangover from hell.
Forced myself to be functional all week, it drained the fuck out of me. Toss in the cold symptoms, the warm/cold weather, mood swings, anxiety attacks…Drained is an understatement. Then yesterday it exploded when they sent my kid home from school with pink eye.
I had to go into the shop so Bex watched her for me.
Next I know, my dad is calling my cell freaking out that I have to get my kid out to the hospital, why haven’t I done it yet.
I’m 41 years old and I’ve done fine caring for her since she was born. Having my family treat me like an imbecile who doesn’t care enough to start panicking over a case of pink eye is insulting.
What they consider apathy is what the counselor taught me to do to avoid upsetting my kid. She has to see me keeping it together so she can feel safe with me and know I will take care of the problem. Freaking out will cause her insecurity and anxiety.
And that was when it hit me…My parents probably instilled the anxiety disorders in me where their idiotic histrionics.
It’s all about triage. Kid is breathing? Not bleeding? Not doubled over in agony? It’s not worthy of hitting the panic button.
Cause for concern, yes.
Cause for panic, no.
This is huge for me, being able to discern this. I don’t know why I can’t use the same logic on my other panic triggers. Maybe because I care more about my child than myself…I don’t know.

Spent three hours at the hospital outpatient room. My kid was putting on a drama show from hell yelping about the pain in her eyes. Oddly, she wasn’t doing it when there was no audience. Turns out, she has pink eye and an ear infection. I have to administer eye drops four times a day, anti biotic three times a day. That’s on top of my own med management. By the time we got home last night…
The whiskey came out.
It doesn’t solve anything.
It does however wrap an overtaxed mind in protective gauze.

I did fuck all today other than cook a couple of meals. I earned the vegetation. I will tend to the other shit tomorrow. Maybe. I may be mid nervous breakdown tomorrow for all I know. The lamictal isn’t really doing an impressive job leveling out the mood swings right now.
The spawn is feeling much better. That’s a good thing.
I’m hungover from life. Life just throws so much at you and even the most expert juggler is going to have problems keeping too many balls in the air.
Like a four day weekend for a sick child who loves to complain yet isn’t sick enough to lay in bed.

I’m dealing with it. It may not be good enough for my idiotic family but it occurs to me…I don’t care what they think. I care how they make me feel. Because being such insensitive assholes must come naturally to them, they are excellent at it. Oppressive personalities. Very unhealthy for me.

Aside from life kicking my ass for another week…I’ve got nothing to say. My mind has calmed and I am looking forward to the simple joy of curling up under my warm covers with a purring cat on my pillow.
Amidst all the bullshit of life…there are the little things. And the little things are what make me keep going.


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