The Beauty Of Cyclothymia

The instability of constantly rapid cycling moods is enough to drive one insane. Bipolar one gets long periods of mania. Bipolar two has long periods of depression.
The only constant in cyclothymia is that there is no consistency. If our mood sticks more than a few hours, we do cartwheels.

So the fact that my mood has been hovering in the middle for a couple of days..is like a winning lottery ticket. Not feeling too little or too much. Having a few laughs. Putting on actual clothes, including undergarments, leaving the house. No panic attacks.
The holy grail of rapid cyclers.
This is a mental space I could happily exist in at all times. No extremes. Just middle of the road.

So…Without my mental demons nipping at my brain and toes…I don’t really have too much to say.
My kid’s been declared lice free (not that I think there was any this time) so we can take her trick or treating tomorrow.
My allergies are acting up and I am drowning in phlegm and sneezing and coughing like a maniac.
I feel…
okay.

Having said that, it is with cautious optimism I hope for some more middle ground days. It rarely holds with the ever changing rapid cycles but much like wishing unicorns and dragons were real…Hoping for some stability is not a bad thing.
I want to believe.

On a final note… I wrote this this week after seeing how differently people treat me depending on my mental state. It sucks to feel like you have to wear a mask and live a lie because people are too ignorant to educate themselves about mental illness.
I call this one Lies.

lies

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