my name is…

do you know who i am…
i am that nagging little voice in your head, the thing that feeds that buzzing anxiety below your skin. i tug at your nerve endings until you trust no one. i cause your anxiety to soar as high as the sky and convince you bad things are going to happen..and you buy it without needing proof or having any solid doubt. i am anxiety disorder.
do you know who i am…
i am the monster under your bed, that lives inside your head. i distort reality. i amp up your emotions and cloud your logic. i feed you misinformaton and you have no choice but to believe it and act on it. you are told to suck it up, snap out of it, regulate your emotions. people think you are lazy, crazy, too needy, too emotional…you feel your life is pointless, that you are invalid as a person. people around you don’t seem to disagree.
i laugh at them and i laugh at you.
i am depression.
do you know who i am…
i am that head in the clouds sensation bubbling in your bone marrow that tells you that you are ten feet tall and bullet proof. i make you feel invincible, magnetic, funny, charismatic…i don’t even allow you to realize that you are being annoying, irresponsible, wacky, unstable, maybe even a danger to yourself…you feel so good, i convince you that you feel that good…and you believe it. you have no clue you are burning bridges with your crazy behavior. the people around you, so used to you being down in the dumps, are more than happy to accept you being happy even if deep down, they know it’s not you. i stand back and chuckle as i watch you fly high, knowing it will not last. you’re too far gone to notice. when logic tugs at your mind, i am there to replace to it with imbalanced and improper emotions that cause gross overreactions or underreactions.
i am mania.
do you know who i am…
i am the calm before the storms. i am the stable periods, where things are clear, you have hope, and you function in a way other people do. i may last a day or a week or a month or even an hour. i am the tease. i am the place where you want to be the most and yet i am metered out in tiny little spurts at odd intervals.
i am stability.

did you know…

we are all one and the same. we are bipolar disorder. we are anxiety disorder. we are depression. we are mental illness.

no need to worry about monsters in the closet or under the bed.
just the ones that live in your own head.

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2 Responses to “my name is…”

  1. So now you know, are you not going to get rid of it?

    • The exorcism is planned for October 31rst.
      Seriously, who even says stuff like this? Mental illness isn’t some thing one can opt out of. But hey it gave me a reason to get my morning snark on.

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