Line Forms Here For Anyone Else to Kick My Ass

It was war today. War on my kid’s head lice, and war getting her to cooperate. I laugh at parents who say, “I know, I went through it with my kids.”
I don’t think so. My kid is..frankly, she makes Linda Blair’s performance of demonic possession seem comical and tame.
Bex and I have been taking turns at the icky ickie nit picking. We have been slapped in the face, headbutted in the chin, kicked during her thrashing fits. She got me in the crotch and the boob with those flying feet of fury. She threw things, growled, screamed. Said we are horrible women and she has a horrible family who is torturing her. All the screaming she has done this week has prompted us to start running video just to prove there is no torture going on, just us trying to get at her with a lice comb.
Since my mother’s tirade about how I don’t care about my kid,they will take her away from me, (and allegedly telling my kid mommy doesn’t love her) I have become uber paranoid about being investigated by child wellfare people. And my little angel,while in some ways a normal five year old,she is also manipulative, she lies, she likes you until you tell her the word no then starts in on how you’re mean and mistreat her.
She, combined with my insane mother, have me a nervous fucking wreck even if on the outside, I am trying to seem cool, calm, and collected. It’s not apathy. It’s trying not to transfer my anxieties onto her.It’s that whole shark/blood in the water thing. My kid will feed on any weakness I display and use it to her advantage. So I bottle up what a basketcase i really am and just try to deal best I can with this situation. Lice is not nice, but it ain’t ebola, either.
We were invited to R’s by his wife earlier this week. The instant she found out about the lice, she basically started yelling at him, “Rescind the offer!”
Like I’d take her around people at this moment.
What irks me is this woman has a degree in the healthcare field and she is convinced only dirty, poor people get lice. Last year when this happened, once the kid was finally declared lice free, Mrs. R interrogated me about how did she get them, who gave it to her, best not ever let her play with them again. Oh, and my favorite, “My kids never got that, I’ve always kept an immaculate house.”
This is where I have to give credit to R. No matter how he irritates me at times,on this lice thing,he has been totally relaxed and cool. He raised three girls alone and they all came home with it once a year. By his wife’s standards, that would make him poor and dirty and a lowlife. I cannot grasp such ignorance in his highly educated wife.
I asked him if she was going to have a hazmat team in the house since I’ve been there this week thus I’ve been exposed to the icky ickies.
He said, “Hey, we get them, so what.’
When your own family is treating you like a leper colony over the whole bit…That kind of intelligence, supportiveness, and relaxed attitude count for so much.
And no, I get that no one wants to risk a head lice infestation. Like we wanted it. Best you can do is suck it up and deal.
Mom hasn’t even called to check on this child she seemed so convinced I was being neglectful of (am I the first person who missed head lice in a kid????). Dad keeps calling wanting to know why we haven’t taken care of it already.
Hi-larious. “Isn’t there something you can do to just wash them out?”
Sure,the chemical laden toxic chemicals can do that. You’re still stuck with dozens and dozens of nits that have to be removed by hand.With a kid who channels satan and physically lashes out so you can’t even get the comb near her head and she’s already screaming that you are hurting her…Yeah,it’s a process.
The ignorance-and I mean the definition of that word, as in not armed with the knowledge to grasp the concept- just makes me wish we did live on a leper colony,far from these narrow minded, judgmental, and basically ignorant people.
I get a giggle wondering what Mrs. R would do if she knew a week or two back he’d gone to see some friends who told him, after he’d already been there on the furniture, “We’re fighting a bed bug infestation.”
Pretty sure she’d have the house condemned and call the cdc to have him placed in an isolation tent.

So…tough day in every way. My body aches from my kid kicking my ass. My ears are raw from all her screaming,much of which was prior to a comb ever getting near her hair. My mood managed to stay in the mid zone even if my anxiety and agitation were off the charts.
That came crashing down by 3 pm. I got so sleepy and lethargic and just…mentally overdrawn.I wanted to batcave then and there. I just didn’t want any more noise or human contact or the sound of my kid’s voice and whiplash personality switches. We got video of the couple of times she was actually cooperative with the combing. Two positive clips verses about ten channeling satan episodes. But gotta be optimistic even when faced with overwhelming pessimism.

About the only thing I did today other than comb her hair and try not to spaz out with panic…was cook two meals. I kept looking at it all and reminding myself, Bex keeps doing all this,it’s my turn…And even guilting myself couldn’t shake that “deer in the headlights” paralysis that is a hallmark of a mood disorder.

By 5pm, I’d had all I could take and declared batcave time. All three of us were exhausted and oddly, zonked out before 6 pm.
Me, on the other hand, an hour before unable to keep my eyes open, suddenly couldn’t get my anxiety under control or keep my head from churning. I was so tired, but I tossed and turned and couldn’t get comfortable. Then at one point, I nodded off…Only to be woken by the phone, which sent the anxiety right into the stratosphere. Took me a half hour after to get back to the comfy sleepy place. Only to be woken by my kid who was demanding a cat to love her so she could go back to sleep. Juju went under the bus, so to speak, but the cat likes laying in bed with Spook so it’s not like I threw the cat under all the wheels.
So…anxiety,spinning thoughts…and finally nodding off again.
Only to be wakened by the phone again.
I tried to calm down and just go back to sleep. It wasn’t happening and I gave up.
So I come here to rant and sound like an utterly babbling idiot.

I even feel guilty for feeling so low, so exhausted, so anxious and paranoid. Hell, someone knocked on the door wanting to bum a smoke and I nearly threw up with panicky feelings. Phones,knocks on doors,it all sets me into a tailspin.

And I have one more bit of proof that I am circling the drain mentally.
It’s October 9th and I don’t have my Halloween decorations up. I even had them up by the first of October even after The Donor walked out. Halloween is my only true happy time of year. And the depression and anxiety and exhaustion are sucking the joy out of it for me.It’s like, why bother.
For every other holiday,that is my normal mentality.
For Halloween? This is like my mind having been replaced by a pod person. This is not me.

I had planned to bite the bullet and call the shrink’s office this week. My daughter’s hair icky ickies have thrown a wrench into everything. I know it’s not her fault (well,except for having to hug every person she sees, including perfect strangers, no matter how many times we have all tried to explain it’s not appropriate.)

I need a shower. I need a good night’s sleep. I need to win the lottery and move as far away from my family as possible.

I don’t need a Magic 8 ball to tell me I’m not likely to get any of that right now.

I will aim low and at least try the shower thing.I mean,I showered yesterday so it’s not like I’m circling the hygiene drain. YET.

I am falling down the rabbit hole. That’s not personality or drama or pessimism.
It’s called seasonal affect disorder and the fact my doctors have never seen how non functional I get every year at this time tells me…
I am screwed.
There’s another telepsych doc there and I saw him once when Dr V was on leave, he seemed nice enough. I wonder if I could ask to transfer to him.
Least he wasn’t mocking me with all the nods and smiles and “You made my day by being so well.”

I am beginning to wonder if I just need to drive to some remote place and engage in some primal scream therapy. Nothing else is working, maybe it’s time to think outside the box and color outside the lines.

First things first…
The lice must die, their eggs must be eradicated, and next time I comb her hair…I am gonna go to the shop and get some bubble wrap for me and Bex to use as body armor.
One day,I will post the video clips on line because I am sure everyone thinks I am being dramatic.
Becca thought that prior to getting here.
Now she KNOWS. I don’t need to create drama.
I gave birth to the drama llama.

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2 Responses to “Line Forms Here For Anyone Else to Kick My Ass”

  1. Recently Jennifer Garner spoke to Jimmy Fallon on the Tonight Show about her girls bringing lice home and the whole family got them. Being rich, they hired what she called a lice lady or lice fairy who combed, picked, & greased their hair daily. Even the rich get lice.

    Either convince your pdoc to adjust your meds seasonally due to SAD, or use that tele-pdoc. Mine have had to be tweaked seasonally.

  2. Might be time to invest in a pet chimp to pick the creepy crawlies out for you 🙂

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