Half And Half

So…I am gonna do something different here. I am gonna half rant about my day.
Then I am gonna half celebrate the things in my life that are good.

On the bad side…
Daylong battle with my kid over combing out the head lice. She kicked,screamed,thrashed, rolled around, hit me…I even got it on video because no one but me and Bex get to see that side of her. At one point,my nerves were so raw, I could have been shot and it’d be a mercy killing. My anxiety disorder has run amok times a thousand so a kid screaming for hours-even when you’re nowhere near them- it takes a toll.
Towards the end of the afternoon, she finally cooperated and let Becca comb her hair out with the Robicomb. This, after hours of declaring Bex to basically be the devil and not speaking to her and suddenly they become BFFs. My kid is either pre bipolar or my mother’s borderline disorder has infected her. In many ways she is a normal quirky five year old. And in other ways…she is so off kilter and all over the mood spectrum it’s like having a 5 year old teenager.
Evening hit and I had to go out to the store. It’s not my favorite. I am becoming paranoid and scared of people again. It sucks because I was so stable for a couple of months and now it’s all coming undone. I normally have my house decorated for Halloween on the first day of October. Between days of rains and this lice debacle…I’ve done fuck all.
Tonight, I am going to watch Dr. Who with R.He is the only one who doesn’t view us as lepers. My kid has been read to,tucked in, and is fast asleep and Bex is here so I don’t feel so shitty being gone for a bit. Dr. Who is an addiction.

On the plus side…
My kid adores me until I say the word “no” and try to be her mom instead of her friend.
Ya know, if her mood is on board. That’s something I can relate to.
I have Bex who loves me unconditionally.
I have my warm fuzzy kitties who lay on me and purr contentedly.
We have a roof overhead,food in the fridge,and clothes on our backs.
The bills are paid.
I’m watching my favorite tv shows now that the new season has started.

As much as some stuff sucks…I have much to be grateful for as well and sometimes it gets lost in all the chaos and bad luck.

Life is imperfect, messy, a roller coaster of ups and downs, and I a flawed.

But my gut tells me it’s worth gripping fast and holding on.

I’m going with my gut because my brain has not proven to be reliable.

Advertisements

One Response to “Half And Half”

  1. Yeah ok life sucks. Yeah ok we have stuff to be grateful for. But honestly, life really blows sometimes and we need to acknowledge that. I’m not sure what my point is. But love to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: