Emotional evisceration

My kid has head lice. I didn’t catch it. She spent the night at my mom’s and her and my sister caught it and began to screeching about infestation and how could I do that to them or my kid. My mom, who I have become convinced is Satan, said,right in front of my kid, “You don’t care about her, you want to get her taken away.”
Needless to say,I’ve been an emotion trainwreck since she went off on me with that one.
My kid even said, “Grandma says you don’t love me.”

What kind of monster of a grandmother says such a thing where a 5 year old can pick it up?
My mother has said nothing good about me since the day my kid was born.
Today, she really plunged the knife in deep.
I LIVE for my kid no matter how tough it is balancing mental illness and single parenthood.
I dropped the ball here but in all fairness,my kid has a scalp as tender as bone china and it was my family that bought her a soft bristle brush which doesn’t do fuck all for tangles so I didn’t catch on. I did use the Robicomb thing once a week (it detected nothing) and lice repelling shampoo. I became psychotically obsessed doing it after last year’s three month lice battle.
The doctor that saw her never saw it. Nor did the nurse who gave her her shots. Or the teachers who knew she has that scalp flaking condition but still checked her hair.We all missed it.
mom screamed,”You should sue them all!”
It was so clusterfucked. Being told upon arrival to pick up my kid, “Sit down,I got something to say to you!” Like I am five years old. Then mom kept saying, “I’m not trying to make you feel bad.”
THEN saying,”Sometimes you act like you don’t even care about her!”

Bex was here, she saw how upset i was with myself for missing this thing.
Mom just kept ranting,then saying she wasn’t arguing with me,then ranting again.
And because I wasn’t in some sort of psychotic meltdown, she thought it was apathy.
No. I’ve seen that the more upset I get, the more it upsets my kid and I don’t want that for her. It’s not apathy, it;s just trying to be calm and deal with the situation. Screaming isn’t gonna help nor is acting like head lice is akin to leprosy or ebola. Though most people are ignorant enough to do that. I’ve heard it all, even from those with healthcare careers who are ignorant enough to think head lice has something to do with cleanliness or income.

I am so sick of ignorance and judgment.

We spent nine hours treating us all, vacuuming, washing all laundry,bagging what couldn’t be washed. Lice is nasty but it happens and this “sky is falling” mentality makes me want to feed people into a tree chipper.
Do some fucking research before you start dismissing it as some sort of poor person lack of hygiene and cleanliness thing.
I’ve been a crap housekeeper my whole life.
I never once had any encounter with lice in 40 years til my kid brought it home from her little friends.

Needless to say, all this tossed on top of hormonal/shark week issues and anxiety from the 9th circle of hell…
I am ready to curl up in bed with my cat Nightshade who seems especially needy and loving since she had a miscarriage.

Cats will always be superior to people in my book. They don’t judge. They don’t care if you’re sad or anxious. You feed them,you pet them, they purr and love you. That’s how it should be. Love really should trump all else.

Amazing I truly believe this even if I have never personally experienced. If that’s not optimism and faith, I don’t know what is.


2 Responses to “Emotional evisceration”

  1. Head lice has nothing to do with cleanliness, what so ever. When I was a kid, my sister got it at school and since we shared a room, I then got it. We bathed every day and washed our hair, did all the normal hygiene. If you go to a movie theater and sit in a seat where someone with lice was sitting, you’re going to get it. It’s no one’s fault. It just happens. By the time you know you have it, you’ve already given it to someone else. My mom didn’t panic and freak out, she bought the shampoo and cleaned all the bedding, carpet and all the other shit you have to do to get rid of it. I’m sure with your mom acting like that, it made your little girl feel like she had done something wrong. Ignore that shit. You’re doing a fine job. Nothing for you to feel bad about. 🙂

  2. I don’t think it was right for your mother to treat you so poorly, especially in front of your child. You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got – never let someone who hasn’t walked in your shoes tell you otherwise.
    And yeah, lice happens, they don’t care if you are rich or poor – as long as you have hair they are happy. And you are taking all the steps to be rid of them, so don’t feel bad about any of it.

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