Glass half full, glass half empty, there’s room for more wine

Unfortunately, I have no wine.But I saw that graphic on line last week and it made me giggle. I wish I had wine, or something because today was absolute shit.
I overslept and had 20 mins to get me and my kid dressed, feed her, drive her to school.
Gas tank on E and it hits me, I forgot to set trash out and I will be fined if I let it pile up. Had to drive back across town staring at the gas gauge with mounting anxiety.
Returned to the shop where R and Kenny spent the first 80 mins trying to top each other’s Angry Birds score, which mean no access to the computer to do what I was there to do.
Agitation was immediate and immense.
Got lunch, got motivated, started to strip a TV…and the shop phone rings informing me my kid has a 100.1 temp so she is being sent home and can’t return til she’s been fever free for 24 hours.
More driving with the gas gauge taunting me because I asked R four times for gas money and he blew me off.
Bex agree to keep her so I could go finish what I had to do and the car HAD to have gas, period.
FOUR hours of people in and out, one of them a friend of R’s so while he did piddle soldering projects, mostly he talked to his friend and I sat watching cute animal videos on youtube with Kenny while my anger boiled up.
By 4,I was beyond fucking hostile and my anxiety was through the roof, that nagging part of my brain reminding me I’d been out of my safe zone far too long and needed to return to it before something cataclysmic happened (like my impending nervous breakdown.)
Finally got gas money and split.
Came home and stepmonster and ass trash brother were here. More noise and them talking at the same time.
My kid was acting out, being aggressive and hyper.
Further up the panic soared,and further down the mood went.\

I was ready to climb into a closet and cover my ears with my hands to block it all out.
Day. From. Hell.

I am calming down now. My mood is circling the drain. I need a brain reboot. Tomorrow has to be better. I have to have hope.

The fact I overslept…combined with the rising anxiety and severe mood crashes…I know what’s coming. I don’t like and I am fighting it, but there’s someone at the door.
It’s called Seasonal Affect Disorder and this is where, every single fucking year,it all goes to shit.

I need some anti itch spray,my nerves are so rattled I can’t stop breaking out in itchy hives. My stomach is in a knot.
The anger and irritation have passed, at least.

I really need a very big box of wine. With a straw. Mommy juice box.

Doesn’t solve anything but neither do the meds. About the most either days is mellow me out enough to survive and fight another day.

Small victories.



One Response to “Glass half full, glass half empty, there’s room for more wine”

  1. SAD sucks, big time. I know from experience. My mood swings can be triggered by so many things. Sounds like you had many triggers today. Hope that tomorrow goes better. It would be wonderful if we could reboot our brain. I guess in a sense that is what ECT does.

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