BAD example!

I forgot to take my meds this morning. I didn’t even oversleep, if anything, I was up earlier than usual. But I am sooo not a morning person and getting the kid ready then myself is just…hard work. Yeah, laugh at me, it sounds asinine, but it’s truth.
So by 1 pm, my mood was in the abyss.
I took my meds and… WHAM. In spite of a stressful outing to a busy store, my mood went up.
I am a BAD example. Let this be a lesson to others. No matter how busy/destracted/comatose you may be,don’t forget to take your meds. It does make a difference.

I’ve had an uneventful two days as far as outside stressors go. Inside stressors…it’s been a roller coaster ride from hell. Up, down, in between, way down, way up. Way down. Normal prelude to the season change. Especially since it’s been wayyy colder than is the norm for this year. One minute, I can see light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t an oncoming train. Next minute, I am pretty sure I should kill myself as a service to society. Then there are the mixed episodes, the level periods.
*It’s frustrating beyond words and the fact there are *some* that think I swing up and down on the mood spectrum on purpose…makes me violently mad.I don’t want this. I HATE this.

Tonight was supper and early batcave. I am trying to fight the need to ensconce myself in the safe space of my bedroom since I spent eight months in that mindspace last year…It’s just difficult.I like my desktop pc, I like listening to/watching whatever I want. And it’s not Becca, she’s very reasonable and willing to compromise so we are both satisfied.
This is me. This is my seasonal affect disorder pulling me under and I fight it and lash out rebelliously but…it’s starting to kick my ass.
Thankfully, Bex gets it. No one else does. I worry sometimes I hurt her but I like to think she knows it’s not meant that way. I mean, we batcave but we still talk on IM so it’s not some total shunning.

That’s all I’ve got, I’m not feeling real lucid, atm, I just need to…vegetate. My brain is swirling with thoughts and I need to determine which ones are valid and which ones are…nutsy kookoo.
Yeah, that’s a technical term.
If they can ponder being introverted as a disorder for the current DSM, then nutsy kookoo could totally be a technical term.


One Response to “BAD example!”

  1. Yeah, I get it. And I no, you don’t piss me off by wanting to bat cave early. And you’re right, we do IM so it’s not like we are ignoring each other once we are on opposite ends of the trailer. Until I am attacked by ninjas that is.

    I understand that the S.A.D is creeping in, hell even I tend to remain bat caved when the kid is in school and you’re helping R. And there’s no one even home.

    I love you dude (l)

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