Two Shades of Blue

Yeah, the title just came to me after I mowed the yard and showered ‘cos I was overheated and I threw on a navy shirt and a darker navy pair of shorts. i started reading 50 Shades of Grey and honestly…Four chapters in I set it aside ‘cos I want the “mommy porn” already. I don’t need a dozen chapters on why the girl is shy and awkward and the guy is rich and handsome. GET ON WITH THE SMUT. I’m bored.

My day in a nutshell: hit the snooze button several times. Cleared cobwebs, went to a couple of yard sales, returned to safe haven of home. Figured I’d procrastinate the housework. Instead kicked into gear and got all but vacuuming done, including mowing the lawn.
Why do I share such mundane details? Because, for someone whose mood ebbs and flows and results in same functionality…Accomplishing even the banal and tedious really is a big deal.

Mood held steady most of the day. Nerves a quiet background thrum. Towards mid day the paranoia and panic crept up. Hate that shit. Bex batcaved most of the day. By the time she emerged, I was ready to batcave ‘cos I just love using my desktop versus the netbook and after a days’ pummeling by a chatty demanding five year old… batcaving is necessary to avoid meltdown. (We even have my kid saying shit like “brown crayon” and “time to batcave” so if she is repeating this at school,I anticipate some interesting parent teacher conferences. Not to mention my use of the internet meme “Go home, you’re drunk”, which she has used to convince my parents I am ready for Betty Ford.)

Speaking of…I am wasting away in Mangoritaville. I don’t drink to escape the mood swings. It’s mental novacaine. Slows my brain down so I can focus and think clearly. Not that anyone believes that but I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, it’s true. (Sorry, had to work a Firefly reference in there.) Point is, I get that drinking is A Bad Thing. But if the meds quieted the noise in my head, it wouldn’t be an issue.

So…wench and spawn have abandoned me for sleep so I sit here, watching/listening to 30 Seconds To Mars covers on youtube. Some are good. Some are bland. Some are…um…really not good.
I soo do not want to like 30STM. Too commercial. The early stuff, Including the sheeple pleasing but awesome “A Beautiful Lie” are amazing. This Is War, while different, was good as well. Love+Lust+Faith+Dreams, while not horrid, is just such a departure from what 30STM started out as…I’ve taken to calling it The Jared Leto project, because I just get this vibe that it’s all him and his ego and his “Scorcese wannabe” thing. (Seriously, the video for “Hurricane”, while an amazing song minus Kanye West involved, just showed Leto wants to be this director god and it really was to the detriment of a great song. And I LIKE kinky stuff!) It just saddens me when a band goes “lite rock”. The stuff off the newest album, while good enough, could easily be something you hear while on an elevator or on the hold on the phone.

So…I’ve moved on from 30STM covers to a blast from the past, in the form of old hair metal songs I loved. I love when my mind is quiet enough to focus on the stuff I used to like, before I became a misanthropic quid pro quo bitch beast. I make no apologies, because I like what I am now, I’ve ceased to be a welcome mat. At the same time, toughening up has sort of killed off a lot of my whimsical fun side. It’s nice to revisit the glory days of hair metal. Much was fluff and fillee. But pay enough attention…and under all that hair and spandex there was substance. Even if it was only fictional for the purpose of song lyrics. (And yeah, I can admit *now* some of the fashion and hair styles of 80’s hair bands was over the top…I still like it.)
In light of Halloween approaching, I am venturing into spooky territory. Like now, I am watching the Dokken video for “Dream Warriors” from The Nightmare On Elm Street movie. i loved Dokken.

Now I listen to shit like “Like A storm” “Stitched up Heart” “Gemini Syndrome” “In This Moment.”
What can I say. Life sucked the whimsy out of me and made me aggressive and angry.
I don’t think I’d go back, either. Tis better to be hated for being a misanthropic angry bitch than to be liked for being a weak welcome mat.
Though tonight I feel like a masochist, subjecting myself to Def Lep’s “Photograph” performed with Taylor Swift. Way to ruin an awesome song, thanks for nothing, motherfuckers.

OOOHHH. Now I’ve really gone off my nut. A remake of Dramarama’s “Anything, Anything” by spome of chick named Storm Large on Rockstar Supernova. Um…Not terrible but…lacking. The chick can wail, don’t get my wrong. It’s just paling in comparison to the original.
Okay, back to 30STM. It’s like an infection and there is no antibiotic.
But hey, how can you not give accolades to a band that makes a song about incest and rape sound okay.

I looooove to talk about music but feel like I can’t ‘cos this is a mental health blog so everything must be mental health related and generally, down and mellow.
If you like 30STM or are just musically open minded…I wanna plug this cover this youtube guy did of 30STM “Hurricane” because, well, he is just that good.
Now…Mangoritaville and music beckon.
Life may not be good but when the nerves are calm and the mood is stable…
It’s two shades of gray and the dude abides. (Never watched The Big Lobowski? You really should.)


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