Yeah…Sure…Why not…Uh huh…

That’s my mood today. My kid is yapping at me and it’s just…yeah…sure…why not…uh huh…
I may have just agreed to buy her a wood chipper I am so dazed at the moment.
This is a life hangover day. I was out in the dish five straight days. Functioning. Interacting. Trying desperately to be something I’m not: social. Others thrive on social interaction. It devours my soul and leaves me feeling embalmed and emotionally bankrupt.
It’s not so much that the people I have daily contact with are demanding or mean or anything of the sort.
This is just me. I have limited resources on a social level. I am so happy in my own little cocoon of solitude and living in my own head that having to step outside of it is a draining experience. To do it daily for five straight days, especially after my cat dying and my car basically dying…I haven’t really had a crash and burn and I desperately need one.
For me, sinking into a low mood with tears and misery is like a reboot for a computer. I need to purge it all then sleep then wake up and start over again.
And because my brain is a lot like Windows ME (migraine edition) running more than two or three programs simultaneously results in constant messages about system resources running low.
And there’s also a partition in my brain running Vista, which is incompatible with, well, life.
I NEED A REBOOT.
Uh huh. Sure. Why not. I guess so.
I am on auto pilot.
Most people fight having some sort of mental meltdown. I crave one.
Because mine usually don’t last long, it truly is just like rebooting a computer. Except instead of clicking on “restart” I have a crying jag, sleep it off, and start with a clean slate.
It’s often amazing how a simple reboot can make a computer function so much better. And my brain is the same way. As numb as I am today, as spaced out as I am…My brain is still on overload, running too many programs that it’s memory can’t handle.
(For some reason I have the voice of a Dalek in my head shouting REBOOT REBOOT REBOOT)
Hopefully this three day weekend will give me the much needed reboot I need.
Now…
I think I need to explain to a 5 year old that she really can’t have a tree chipper, mommy was just joking.

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