Crazy Recipe-just add bipolar

It’s 1:30 am. I am wide awake. My brain is in overdrive, thoughts rushing like warm ocean waves flooding across your feet as your toes sink into hot sand. Manic episodes are so random. When you need the energy, it’s never there. Then when it’s bedtime…BOOM. Unfortunately, I am doing ten things at once, none of which are really urgent. Meanwhile, my dishes need done, laundry needs washed and folded, floors need cleaned, cat boxes need scooped…

And all my brain can do is run round and round like a hamster on its little wheel with its irritating creaky squeaky noise. I am also breaking out into hives because that sliver of brain that is the adult in me knows I will have a long day with my kid playing Uzi to my brain so I really should be asleep right now otherwise I will be bitch (ier).

If they just bottle mania, illegal drugs wouldn’t be needed. It’s awesome to feel so on top of the world, so energetic, so creative.

My flip side is I multi task but with no attention span, lots gets started and little gets finished.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

I took my beddy  bye meds to slow my brain and gently ease me into sleep. That was 4 hours ago. Xanax is overly sedating, my ass. Nothing competes with sheer mania.

Least it’s not the eeeevil mania where you come out of it several days later and go, ‘I SPENT HOW MUCH ON WHAT AND SPENT THE NIGHT WITH WHO AND DRANK HOW MUCH BOOZE?????” Yeah, those are fun when your mind is altered by mania.

Reality and consequence make me fear honest to god bad manic states. I’ve been on that blessed hellride too many times and even years after, the consequences gnaw on my ass.

I am getting the distinct impression Lamictal is no longer stabilizing my moods. But when you add an anti depressant, it can be like a tug of war, one trying to level you out while the other tries to lift you up. The result is you feeling like you’re riding in a clown car with a drunk Krusty the Klown behind the wheel.

I loathe clowns.

Now…back to my hives and my head full of busy little hamsters on their wheels.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat. Life is like shampoo, how sad is that.


3 Responses to “Crazy Recipe-just add bipolar”

  1. msbirrell35 Says:

    My little hamster is running in turbo these days!!! Haven’t slept worth a damn for weeks!

  2. I think my hamsters have set up their own McPlayland in my brain, complete with brightly colored tubes and tunnels built up like a twisting roller coaster. I may have to Trazadone the little rodents just to get a decent sleep.

  3. Preaching to the choir!

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