The Moodpire Diaries

It never ceases to amaze me how I loathe all that is mainstream and popular and yet I have a popculture brain. Watching the Vampire Diaries is like my filthy little not so secret. I won’t feel ashamed because I like it but I do feel a little cheesy ‘cos face it, the soap opera-y ness of the show is cheesy. But we all need a little bit of vice,don’t we…

Moodpire. Not that different from a vampire. They see or smell blood and go a little bonkers. My mood shifts, I go a little bonkers. It’s all relative.

Fill in shrink turned out not to be so bad. He was young. And friendly. And he had REALLY white teeth. I think I stunned him when he started to prattle off ideas about anti depressants and I flat out told him I want to give Paxil another whirl. Maybe I am too assertive.  But as much as I can defer to their education and experience I have ZERO qualms giving my two cents worth because it’s MY life. Some might call this overly aggressive or disrespectful. I prefer the term proactive. I have tried every SSRI known to man. But Paxil, that was one I tried back in the 90’s, right after I’d had surgery, and it made me anxious and gave me insomnia from hell so I gave up on it…Now I am thinking maybe the surgery left things out of whack and I didn’t give it a fair try. I’ll give it another whirl.

He agreed then ordered me to get the lithium level done soon because it might be to blame. Fair enough.

Did I mention he had REALLY white teeth? This tooth whitening craze kind of unnerves me, I don’t like talking to people when I can’t focus on anything but their pretty white fangs.

I actually spent time talking to my mom and sister. It was grueling, not because they were evil, but because my brain and the panic were. It just makes everything so difficult when ground control is sending all the wrong messages.

I came home and drank vodka with my beloved wench .

Who passed out on me. My kid zonked out. I am alone now, if you discount the closet full of newborn kittens.

My dad called to inform me I got him in trouble with his woman when I bitched about him bitching at me. She yelled at him for picking on me. HA! She’s not even my blood and she gets what an ass he can be.

R wants me to come in tomorrow. He texted me a couple of times today wanting me to do something for him in spite of me plainly telling him I was booked today. I’m getting puked on by my kid four days running and it’s all about his needs. Classy.

It’s windy out, I can hear it whistling outside the window. creepy. Pop culture freak girl me wishes it was an omen for ghosts or demons. SOMETHING INTERESTING. Because mundane, while good for holding panic attacks at bay, is really fucking boring.

I must sound mad as a hatter.

I don’t care.

To quote Bobby from Supernatural: “Shut up, you Idget.”


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