Disturbed As Fuck

I’ve done shit today but some dishes, take out trash, and deal with technical problems on multiple computers. Everything I touch has been shit. I hate everything. HATE IT. I am so fucking hostile and angry I can barely stand it. This is what demonic possession must be like.

My scalp is crawling with anxiety, which is making me pissed off.

I am watching a show and it keeps fucking buffering every ten seconds, and that is pissing me off.

I am worried about what to do with the cats and my dad called to bitch at me and tell me to rake up the leaves, my yard looks like shit. Which is the one thing the landlord hasn’t mentioned because it’s still cold and we just had snow so I think he GETS that it’s not yard cleaning weather just yet.

Not to mention I’ve been cleaning up puke for three motherfucking days so excuse me if leaves in the yard are low on my priority list.

Tomorrow, I get to see the ass trash fill in shrink who may be a good guy or a complete douche and most likely he will say, stay on your current meds until you see your regular doctor…NEWSFLASH. I didn’t take the Viibryd today and I’m not taking any more of that shit. I’m semi suicidal and homicidal which I wasn’t prior to being on it so I’m gonna make an educated guess even though I lack all the fancy letters after my name…it’s making me worse.

That is pissing me off. Positive thinking can bite me,too. I got out of bed the other day thinking all was normal and since then, it has been one chunk after another reality has been biting off my ass. That too is pissing me off.

To keep it simple everything is pissing me off.

God, last time I was this violently angry I was pregnant.Since that requires human contact though it’s not the explanation this time. This is all me and my fucking depression that has become a goddamn psychosis.

GRRRRRRRRRRR.

My kingdom for some fucking alcohol. That’d get me piped down fast. No cure, but calmer would be better.

Least my kid is asleep for this portion of the day. She kept fish sticks down tonight and her fever is gone so I am hoping she will feel school ready come morning. Though will I feel like bothering getting her to the bus…It all feels like trudging uphill in molasses with giant shards of glass protruding.

I just want to be in a different mental space, ffs. I can’t cope when I am feeling like a big green rage monster. And why am I feeling like a big green rage monster?

WHY is the sixty four thousand dollar question. Why am I stuck dealing with any of this. To be denied simple sanity seems a pretty crappy hand to be dealt. But I am supposed to put on a smile and pretend to like it and be a good little girl because life is hard and no whining allow.

Fuck that.

I’m hosting whine-a-palooza. Bring on the glow sticks.

Kill me now. Please.

Meh.

 

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