Forced silent

I did not go anywhere, technically. One of my lovely neighbors decided to steal service from the cable company so they disconnected me and hooked themselves into mine. It took almost a week to get a cable person here to check it out. He filled me on how this is the sixth time these particular people have hacked in this way but they can never catch them to prosecute. They have threatened him with a gun when he has talked to them. Guess I got lucky cos when the net crashed two hours after they fixed it and I saw my neighbor out back there…I confronted him and was met with denials aplenty. Next thing I know, his anger issue wife who won’t let her kid play with mine for reasons unknown, pounds on the door and jumps me because she doesnt like the way I spoke to her husband. But alas all she was wielding was a half eaten chicken leg. So I was wrong to ask if he was the one tapping into my service..Hmm.

Let me see..”Hey, cut my service off and steal it on my dime, thanks so much for screwing me over,have a nice day!: Wtf, am I am Canadian? (Sorry if Zoe reads that, it’s an old joke.) I saw this same guy kick their dog in the ribs the other day with a steel toed boot and while I am not fans of pit bulls that growl at me and my kid, I abhor people who are mean to animals. These people have been turned in. Few months back, they were arrested and jailed on a drug raid. I tend to let people be but not that they are fucking with me..I’m taking it personally.

It is also sending me into panic mode. I have to live here. Hell, I have to take my kid to the bus stop twice a day with this guy and his wife glaring at me the whole time and that was before I confronted. Not exactly comfortable for someone with anxiety issues. Especially if they”d threaten the cable guy with a gun. How do these people not get put in prison? I could threaten someone with a damn keychain nail file and probably serve ten years.

I suppose the saving grace is, I think the Viibryd, and the warm up in weather is easing me back to my right mind. Not totally. My kid wanted me to talk to her little friend’s mom this morning and I just couldn’t do it, the paranoid bad voices were going at it. So I am better but I am still not well by a long shot. Maybe  I can cope better with this looming threat. I fear less for my personal safety with these people and more for them trashing my shit. They have like 5 kids and last summer we did battle with those kids stealing my kid’s stuff then arguing it was theirs even tho it has her initials on it. These are not people you reason with. They are neighbors from hell.

I don’t see this helping my paranoia at all. I’m sure my shrink will label it situational and no big deal. I know the last time I explained some of my issues that stem frm living in the trailer hood, she told me to move. Yeah cos if I had the means to move, you moron, I’d live in the fucking trailer hood. And I’ve been here 5 years and I have always been fine UNTIL some raging assholes come along and turn a bad neighborhood into a worse neighborhood. It’s the principle. I’ve been here longer, I’ll be damned if they run me off. Besides, living in cardboard boxes is illegal and that’s my only other option.


I am pondering taking my kid to school just to avoid the bus stop bit. But I can’t afford to keep doing it and it’s like, suck it up. I just don’t want the bad element starting crap in front of the kids. They would,too, probably consider it some sort of educational outing in how to socialize. Or paranoid bad voices are just overreacting.

I never knew the simple act of getting my internet fixed would turn into such a drama. I hate drama. My nerves hate drama.

I can feel my mood slipping, my anxiety rising. Maybe being disconnected from everything wasn’t a bad thing. Boring but non fatal. Did cost me a shitload in cell time though.

Everything’s a double edged sword. Life is a catch 22.

People think I am joking or being lazy when I say how exhausted I am with life.

One day they might just find out how not joking or lazy I am.

Life’s kicking my ass.

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