Desperately seeking a point to it all

Uneventful day if you discount the cold, the sinus pain, and the fact that withdrawal has every tiny thing PISSING ME OFF LIKE NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD.

 

I just couldn’t motivate today. My kid asked me to bake cupcakes so I did that much. And realized for the millionth time how much I despise cooking/baking/all things related. It’s just not me. It’s so anticlimactic. And leaves a mess to clean up.Plus food makes me fat. So…

like everything else in this debacle called life…WHAT’S THE POINT????

I keep hearing “You’ve given up on life, you’re too lazy to live.”

Idiocy. I am being honest when I say…I don’t see any point. I have no zest for life left because my brain can’t see a point to any of it. It’s not even that my life is the bad thing. I look at other people and I don’t even want to live their life regardless of how much money or fun or whatever they might have going on.

What.Is.The.Point.

And anyone who thinks I’m not sick of feeling this way is a moron. I’m so sick of feeling this way I’m lobbying in favor of the death penalty for myself. I apparently killed the joy of life so sentence me and be done already.

Dramatic much? I know.

Depression is a drama queen, though. It’s also depressing.

And I am done for the day trying to figure out what the point is.

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2 Responses to “Desperately seeking a point to it all”

  1. Nolites te bastardes carborundorum. Don’t let the bastards grind you down. That’s about the only thing that my brain ever spits up of vaguely useful ‘why are you gonna keep going, huh huh huh’. I continue to live to spite the depression, because fuck you brain and your bullshit. That’s about the only reason half the time.

  2. I don’t “like” that you’re feeling this way, but I do like how you’ve expressed it and I feel much the same way. Lately my existence has been exhausting just to stay alive. Why? Because… um… I’m supposed to?

    Enjoy a kitty snuggle. Purr therapy is about the only thing that can make me relax these days.

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