Crash crash puke

My day has been shit. Nothing horrendous happened. In fact, snow made me not even leave the house.

But mentally? Basketcase. Itchy and twitchy with nerves. Sinking feeling in my gut. No reason to have hope.

My meds made me nauseous and I puked for the first time in ages. Then fought narcolepsy for three hours with my kid vying for the battery bunny title.

Everything is a mess and I wanna be positive and convince myself otherwise but I am a realist. I am a trainwreck at the moment and no one is exactly lifting a finger to help, they just want to judge and tell me to suck it up. Which is driving me further underground mentally.

I haven’t showered since Friday. My laundry remains unfolded, dishes unwashed. Feed kid, feed cats, that’s my level of functionality at the moment.

I have all these people in my head, telling me to get over it, grow up, tough it out…and I just want to exorcise the fuckers like demons. Because that’s how it feels, like all these demons in my head bullying me.

Which personality disorder covers that particular emotion? Doesn’t matter because ten different therapists and doctors would just give ten different diagnoses and confuse me even more. Not sure that is possible, I am baffled right now by everything.

Let it all burn. Save my kid, save me and let it all fucking burn.

Yeah, it’s been that kind of day. Brain reboot should help. But I’m not Matlock so I am not going to be at 6pm. Still I do hope sleep will make me wake up in a better mood.

Cramps say shark week is coming so chances are…It’s only gonna get worse mentally.



One Response to “Crash crash puke”

  1. Wow! You did your laundry! You know what? That’s an accomplishment! Cheers!
    (I’m serious) Just when I get it done, there are piles and piles more! Love, Nana

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