Undepressed but distorted

Twas a weird day. The Cymbalta has kicked in and is kicking the depression’s ass. I’m not as irritable and I am actually functioning better as far as social interaction.

Still…the anxiety is brutal. Making me paranoid. I am convinced something is wrong with my car, but my suspected issue has been checked out but I still KNOW something’s off. Driving with this mind frame is panic city.

I am trying to hang in there but the brain is just sending me all sorts of messages that are proven wrong.

I am far from cured, though, even if things are better. I was beckoned to the shop today by R. I guess four days of silence broke him. I have conviction though I am told it is just stubbornness. I do not agree but we are blind to our own faults so maybe I am wrong.

There is a guy I have known for over ten years, he hangs out at my sister’s house. He asked for my number tonight when I picked up my kid from my mom’s. He’s not horrid, but we just have nothing in common, it was always just friends with benefits. The thing is, I have turned him away three or four times in the last year and he is not getting it. I don’t like confrontation and I don’t like offending people on some things so I really don’t want to go full batshit crazy and tell him to fuck off and die. But he’s annoying me and pretending he just wants to hang out and I know how that always turns out. And I’m not even attracted to him so it was mostly always for his benefit. It doesn’t work for my anymore.

It’s too bad he can’t hit me up on a vile mood day. The fuck off would just come out, consequences be damned.

Which brings me to…Since Cymbalta has helped so much, I am apparently pleasant to be around now.

Pardon me, but if you are truly a friend (or family) shouldn’t you be unconditional? I know hanging out with a depressive is a bummer. Fine. Go away, let the person come to you when they are ready. Or try to be understanding and have some empathy. It’s tough but it’s possible. Most depressives don’t even want to be around people, so space is actually a good thing. I just don’t get the ignorance people have toward mental health. Do some reading, learn, you might find out it’s not personal, it is not asking for attention and it is not laziness.

Ok. I guess I am done. I’m going to finish watching Supernatural. Killing demons and shit cheers me up.

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2 Responses to “Undepressed but distorted”

  1. My love, I love you no matter what mood or person you are. I hate Cymbalta, it made me hyper aggressive and is listed as an allergy medication. But if it helps you, I am so fucking happy. God darling, woman, chick, YOU I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. Email me?

    I miss you.

  2. […] of the week is ASS TRASH, well to be honest it has been the phrase of several weeks now. Just ask Morgueticia. On Friday I can finally say goodbye to my Nanny, it has taken so long doe to us being spread all […]

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