Deviation is beyond evil

I suppose it will seem asinine.

But to someone with my issues, it is a huge deal and it has me in a “deer in the headlights” state.

When I went to pick up my kid from school, the teacher actually refused to let her come to me like she has every other pick up for two weeks…The teacher walked her right over to me. Babbling about the color of the day for tomorrow.

At the time I thought it odd but just wanted out of all the traffic confusion and people chaos.

Now, as time has passed, scumbag brain has sent a multitude of panic attacks my way. WHAT DOES IT MEAN THAT SHE DEVIATED? hAS MY KId told some lie ab out how mean I am because I won’t let her juggle chainsaws?

What does it mean?

I am scared of my own kid because she lies.

Scared of the system because I have seen it not work as far as parents are concerned.

And I am scared of any deviation because the norm is boring but at least it doesn’t dropkick me into panic zone.

I’d rather have a gaping wound thanĀ  panic attacks. They can give you pain killers. There is nothing for the panic and all that comes with it.

Maybe it makes me a bad mom.

Scared.

Stupid.

FUCK.

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2 Responses to “Deviation is beyond evil”

  1. She loves you, she may not act like it or say it, but she does unconditionally. I know she is a handful, and that sometimes you feel like you can’t cope, or feel like you don’t have anyone physically to rant at and help in the physical sense. But you can always rant to me and you know that. And no matter what she does, or says, I will never ever let you believe that you are a bad mom because you DIDN’T walk out and DON’T ignore her existence. I love you and I always will…

    • Thank you, Love. (Oh, love…oh, love….Now I am gonna barf.) When this manipulative lying bundle of joy lands me in jail and the worthless sperm donor runs off with her…Promise to bake me a cake with a chainsaw in it? :p

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