Mental Cycle

10:10 pm, post Untethered entry.

I showered. Azazel is far from being lively but he did get up and stretch and move into the hallway. Maybe I am being too dramatic, saying he is dying. I think maybe I am simply because last time, with Castiel, he started showing little improvements and I was being a cheerleader…so it was double devastating when the little guy didn’t make it. And I am very attached to Zazel so maybe by assuming the worst I am hoping to fool the fates and get a good outcome?

I don’t know.

The only point of this second post is to show just how fast the cyclothymic shifts hit. I can’t say I blame the people who have been in my life and couldn’t deal with it. It is made ten times worse by withdrawal right now, but it’s the general idea. One minute I am coming apart, then I calm down, an hour from now I could be manic or back into a teary “fuck this” depression. It’s never static.

It is a mental cycle that never stops moving.

 

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One Response to “Mental Cycle”

  1. I hope he’ll be ok. It’s so hard to know. Pulling for him – and for you 🙂

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