Freaky things abound


Brain zaps, constantly. Feeling sleepy and lethargic, yet completely buzzing with anxiety. Disoriented, upset stomach, no focus, mood swings, yelling, snapping, I am barely coherent.

Today was pretty bad. Yesterday was worse, but it all sucks. This makes Effexor withdrawal seem minor league.

On top of it is the Lithium and all that it brings. My levels are normal. But I am living in a perpetual state of nausea, always feeling like I could throw up. If I don’t eat a morsel of some sort of food every hour or so, the nausea swoops down and I almost pray for death. Not even sick with food poisoning or the flu have I felt that kind of nausea. They say it’s not the medicine that puts weight on you, it’s the increased appetite.


Okay, I feel hungry more often than I did.


My cat Azazel, I was told by witnesses, got hit by a car and hobbled off. He has not been seen since. I can only assume he is dead. And it is depressing and sooo sad and yet…Not so much as a teardrop. Just deadness inside.

I did not go to the shop today.  They are doing sewer work and have the entire block near there closed off. I didn’t feel like battling for a way in and where to park. Mostly, with the brain zaps affecting my ability to think clearly and be coordinated and of course, making me scream over the tiniest things…I can’t say I want to be near people right now. Withdrawal is bad enough without an audience of people who can’t grasp the concept that coming off an anti depressant could be that bad.

I am surrounded by idiots.

But hey, the exhaust on my car is fixed and R has pointed out multiple times how grateful I should be to him and his stepdad for spending three hours fixing it. Well, I am grateful and I would totally pay them if I ya know, had two nickels to rub together. If either of them ever need a kidney and ‘m a match, I’m down with it.  Cripes, I just despise having to have people help me. Because no matter how grateful you are it’s never enough. You’re basically at the mercy of “I did this for you, you owe me” for life.

I got that wifi card in my desktop. Un fortunately, the distance from the router is so that  I am getting a barely detectable signal. Plus, the media player won’t play ANY of my videos.

It’s been in the 90’s all week, which has been pretty miserable.

I just wish something would go right for a chance. I am like a vortex of suck, get near me and bad things happen to you,too.

Now I am exhausted. Of course, it means I lay down, all sleepy and bone weary and SCUMBAG BRAIN MUST SPIN AND CHURN AND DRIVE ME INSANE.

I took a Trazadone the other day. Thrown on the withdrawal lethargy it was like sleepwalking the next day. Suckage.

I need to take my Lithium and I should take it with food. But all food has taken on a nasty flavor and makes me feel sick.

Ever wonder if the side effects are really less than the benefits? Not seeming that way to me right now.



One Response to “Freaky things abound”

  1. I’ve been having stomach issues lately too. And especially now that I have a broken finger and doing anything is a pain in the ass, I’m surviving on protein bars and those “digestive” biscuits. When are they going to make food in pill form for those of us who just can’t be bothered with shit like “proper nutrition”?

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