Where’s my bad day pill?

For those of us with mental illness, there are just some days that are so grueling from a mental standpoint, we would give a kidney for a pill to just make us sleep through that cycle of our illness.

Throw in a few more factors and a bad day becomes a shit day and you REALLY want that pill to make it go away.

Shark week has begun and decided this month it is going to be uber painful, make me uber irritable, and cause me to have fatigue from hell.

Never mind, because in spite of not feeling well and telling R so, he still wanted me to come to the shop and look at this computer tower he can’t figure out.

No rest for the wicked, or the sick, not in his world, anyway. Machete through the belly? Suck it up and do my bidding.

So when I got four blocks from home and realized I had a flat tire…I reciprocated by making him leave work to come help me. Like he’d ever be able to draw a parallel though.

I did go by the shop, with my kid in tow, and said I would bring the tower home with me and try to figure it out. Of course he expects me to drop everything to do so and when he finds out I have not, he is going to be salty as fuck. But I truly feel that bad. I mean, my kid took a nap today and I curled up and nodded off. I don’t take naps,like, ever. So to nap means I am really not physically up to par. His lack of compassion gives me even less motivation to tough it out.

On the plus side, we only saw one kid today, and she was here all of ten minutes before her mom came to get her. She did come back, but Spook was asleep so I sent her home. It has been soooo fucking peaceful. God. My kid and I have gotten along well since we woke from napping. She ate a full supper, took a shower without a tantrum, let me read to her…And while my neurotic brain is kicking itself for somehow tainting her and “running” off her friends…My logical brain knows the truth and my stressed out central nervous system just feels utterly relieved. I love kids, but man, I can’t do 6 kids a day, 7 days a week.

R’s wife texted asking me to come to the shop tomorrow and try to program a remote for her since R can’t seem to get it. I am being bribed with a pack of smokes. Hopefully day two of shark week will be less brutal.

Last night, after taking my Lithium, I experienced a massive headache and nausea like days of old, like I was going to throw up, yet couldn’t. Those were the side effects that made me go off Lithium in the first place because even after three years they never went away and not even eating first made it better with any consistency. I hope this is not the case. I hope maybe it’s coming off the Cymbalta. I hope it’s anything but one more med that works but I can’t tolerate. The medi go round has gotten so very old and I am so very close to giving up on myself. Maybe the meds don’t work because I am beyond repair.

But I am hoping for the best.

At least I am not bursting into tears and melting down that way now. It’s an improvement.

Now…I am going to have a brain bleed because my kid wants me to read a sixth Dora book to her. I hate Dora.

But Swiper is kinda cute.

Yep. I am indeed beyond repair.

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