Back on the medi-go-round,try 2001

I finally confessed to the shrink. She concurs the Cymbalta is making me manic. (Common problem giving anti depressants to bipolar patients.) So…I am going to start Lithium, stay on the Lamictal and Xanax. My only bone of contention with her plan is her rapid weaning of Cymbalta. I get like spazzed just missing a dose by a few hours. Somehow three days at 60, three days at 30, then cold turkey don’t seem like it’s gonna cut it. And she said yes, I would have major withdrawal but I have to come off the Cymbalta now because of the mania. I think I like the mania better than withdrawal. Coming off Effexor nearly had me in the rubber room. This…is going to suck.

On the plus side, I have lost ten pounds in two months, without making a single effort. The only changes I made were to drink sweet tea 90% of the time as opposed to soda. So corn syrup and sugar being the same thing is bullshit. Both are sweeteners but the corn industry can easily be blamed for a lot of this obesity bullshit. Can’t get toothpaste without corn syrup in it. Apparently how the body metabolizes real sugar versus syrup is the difference. Not that the powers that be will ever get it. That’s my theory, anyway.

Mood wasn’t bad today, went to the shop for a bit. I only got three hours of sleep last night (manic cleaning frenzy) so I was sooo sleepy by noon. Then I left and of course, with kids on the loose, sanity is an illusion and enough peace and quiet to be sleepy is a joke. The kids were not happy with me. I made them play outside because I’d shampooed the carpet and furniture and it was all still wet. They kept trying to come in, I kept sending them back out. Over and over and over. I hate rudeness. Hate it hate it hate it. I blame the parents. Whether it’s because they can’t be bothered to teach manners or they simply don’t exert enough discipline to make the kids use manners…It’s on them. I’m all for taking personal responsibility, but a 5 year old is only equipped with the skills being taught at home. In this case…wolves would have taught them better.

Lots of drama in the trailer hood tonight. The evil neighbor and her boyfriend got into a knock down drag out, you could hear them slapping each other around and screaming. The kids wanted me to explain what was going on.

Then I looked out the window and there were FOUR cops outside my window, their cars blocking the road. Some sort of domestic thing on the other side of me, guess the woman tossed the man out or he left or something, I don’t know. I don’t like drama and unlike the other looky loos who had to walk all the way over from the other side to witness the drama, I went back inside. Does not want. Gives me anxiety attacks from hell.

The evil neighbor, her kids, and her boyfriend have all been throwing rocks at my cats. I get shooing them off your property, but throwing rocks? That’s juvenile, not to mention cruel and dangerous. A kid could be walking by and get a rock in the eye, ffs. People are just…I can’t even come up with a strong enough word to epitomize the sheer cruelty of mankind.

(And my “they’re not evil, they are damaged” argument does NOT ever apply to people who are mean to animals or kids, that’s not damaged, it’s evil.)

Now it’s 8:30 pm, my kid is zonked, and I took a 25 mg Trazadone because I am exhausted by my anxiety riddled brain  is not slowing down. I need to rest. I think I have the place in a respectable state of tidy. Will be so glad when this home visit is over. Maybe it’s all in my head, but people do judge. I mean, R’s daughter won’t allow her kid to come play at my house. I live in a bad neighborhood,in a trailer, and my carpet is frayed, Yes, Ursula has a big thing about people who are so “pathetic” as to have frayed carpet. Put that kind of mentality on someone with authority who could deem me unfit…I think some anxiety and trepidation are not without basis.

I will worry more after a brain reboot.

And if I start mood swinging and writing crazier than normal,, Bear with me please. Coming off Cymbalta while starting Lithium is going to make me “we the jury find the defendant” insane.

But I gotta make a change. Manic is fun but it’s also dangerous. I need to be back in control of my emotions and not cycle so much.

Enter Lithium and its stellar side effects.

The medi-go-round is my least favorite ride on the playground.

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One Response to “Back on the medi-go-round,try 2001”

  1. High fructose corn syrup and aspartame are why I have a denture and a stream of ‘your teeth are terrible you are a bad person’ from dentists state-side. Since moving to the UK, I have almost no dental problems, ’cause real sugar.

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