Emotionally bobbleheading

Last Tuesday,I received a big envelope in the mail. The Donor has MAILED me do-it-yourself divorce papers. ADDRESSED TO ME IN HIS GIRLFRIEND’S HANDWRITING.

There is no mention of Spooky,or the fact he deserted us and hasn’t lifted a finger to support her in 11 months.

He wants a no fault divorce with a waiver to get it before the two year rule in this state.With  marital misbehavior having no bearing on how the judge chooses to divvy up marital property.

His gf even included a nice little post it telling me I can have the papers notarized for free at the courthouse.

I AM NOT SIGNING A BLOODY THING.

I did my first divorce and there was little property and no children and there was a hell of a lot more paperwork included, as well as a case docket number. These papers have four total pages and as far as I can tell, have not come across in court desk. They were printed straight from the net or at least printed up with some internet template.

just when I think he cannot sink any lower, he proves me wrong. Acting like we don’t even have a child and he bears no responsibility.

I am going to seek legal advice. I will NOT let those two screw me or my child over.

Meanwhile, I am bobbleheading between medium functionality and total depression with acute anxiety, panic attacks, and sleep disturbance.

My kid is the battery bunny with a nasty attitude.

There’s never enough money.

Some days, I just want to  take spook away with to that place that doesn’t exist, where we can both exist happily without The Donor’s taint hanging around our neck’s like a noose, without my mental issues clouding everything.

11 months without any contact,and he MAILS me divorce papers. I fully expected to be served. Ya know, by a sheriff. If he has the money for a new car and matching wedding bands for him and his gf, I want him to have to stand in front of a judge and explain what makes him so special that he doesn’t have to support his child.

If those papers had included a waiver signing away his paternal rights and giving me everything he left behind, I’d have signed them in a heartbeat. I’m not contesting the divorce.

I AM contesting his mentally ill denial of our child’s existence and his responsibility to her. To not even mention her in the divorce papers, not even to waive his rights…

That’s so low he’d have to look up to kiss a snake’s belly.

Everyone thinks I am crazy because I’ve decided I would let him off the hook for past support as long as I get a legal document declaring he has ZERO rights to Spooky.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about the money, my entire life has been a struggle as far as money goes. I’m used to it.

But night after night of not being able to get to sleep or stay asleep because my mind is spinning, wondering what else he has up his sleeve to screw me over and hurt me…To possibly want to make a reappearance in her life at some point down the road…That is a dark cloud hanging over my head. To be rid of it would be worth more than money to me. My child is my everything.

I am highly suspicious because if I sign off on these papers and he adds a list of “marital” property it could list shit I had before I met him or stuff we never had to begin with. And the decision would rest with the \judge and I would have no recourse.

NO NO NO NO.

Fucking hell to the no.

They must think I am stupid in addition to having my psych issues.

I want my day in court if he isn’t going to be a man.

To not even ask for a divorce in person….

I should not be surprised, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is a horrible human being, even though every single day I search my mind and my heart to find ways that maybe I turned him into a bad person. Ultimately, the responsibility is his. He has made his choices, and there is NO legitimate choice to go 11 months without even offering to buy a package of diapers. I have lamented endlessly about how his rejection of his flesh and blood, the child WE created together pains me…

I want the divorce.

But more than that, I want a piece of paper that puts him out of our lives forever.

I think my panic and anxiety and depression might just alleviate if I could wipe the slate clean and be free of that particular albatross.

Then again, we’re nearing the season change and my seasonal affect will be kicking in, so I may just be falling down the rabbit hole all over again soon, no matter how hunky dory things might be.

Bloody fucking hell.

No rest for the wicked, I guess.

And to be MAILED divorce papers addressed by his gf/fiancee’, I must be one evil fucking witch to him.

Makes me regret the fact that I held back on my whiplash tongue and was nicer to him than any other guy I was ever with. Had I really unleashed myself, he’d probably be in a psych ward or dead by his own hand.

Weird thing is, I talk to the guys at the shop the same way and they don’t fall to pieces.

The Donor may have planted seeds of self doubt in me, but ultimately, my gut reminds me of the truth.

I’m flawed, I can be difficult, but I am NOT the one who walked out and I sure as hell didn’t desert my child.

Though I am sure he has found a way to hold me responsible for his own fuck ups.

He and his little gf may soon find out just what Morgueticia is made of,.

Methinks they are not going to like it.

Especially if I find a pro bono lawyer and his ass has to appear in court.

don’t

fuck

with

the

mama

bear.

Especially a bipolar one with a decent brain.

 

 

 

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3 Responses to “Emotionally bobbleheading”

  1. happinessindepression Says:

    Hey there, I’ve read a couple of your posts and you seem in a real bad place. I’m 20 years old and have suffered from depression and anxiety for 8-9 years, though I cannot profess to knowing exactly what you are going through, I can empathise with how your head must be feeling.

    I just wanted to let you know that I have started my blog, happinessindepression.com , with the soul purpose of trying to give sufferers of depression anxiety etc a positive influence that they may be able to relate to, and give them just a slither of hope. I hope you will have the chance to check it out, and I hope that it can in some way be of assistance to you.
    x

  2. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s
    new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be
    book-marking and checking back often!

  3. I absolutely 100% understand wanting something that says he’ll never have any claim to Spook instead of money. The Tainter to my Taintee is moving to a different continent and I STILL feel like there’s something hanging over me and a bloody hate it. Getting free of that is worth more than anything.

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